I got one more.
It needs to happen soon. I'm teetering on the verge of full break down. I just don't want to work out. Like at all. Like even for a half hour.
So this week I didn't fight it. I simply did not work out. It helped that I was also very tired from last weekend's dual-race effort. Until Thursday my legs actually sort of hurt to touch. Today I got on the bike for a bit and went for a short run, but it was lackluster. It was one of those Do I remember how to do this? type of workouts. Of course I remember. Sometimes when it's been a few days, though, I start to actually believe I have forgotten how to ride a bike.
So.... I have ONE.LAST.RACE.
I am going to give it everything I've got. It could go smashingly. It could really suck. I'm just planning to make it hurt so bad I want to hurl. And then I'm going to get really lazy for a bit until my desire to work out longer than 10 minutes at a stretch returns. I'm not sure how long that will take. It might be awhile. I have hit a new and unprecedented plane of total burned-out-ed-ness.
I haven't worked out this week. (OKAY. Maybe I worked out a little bit, but not much.) Anyway. What did I do if I didn't work out?
An excellent question.
The answer is---I did very little.
Here are the things I did:
1. I took my puppies out about every hour to pee and shit. Despite this, their success rate is still only about 50%. I just noted that Hazel pissed right by my feet, for example. When the hell did she do that? She is a crafty one...
I have also been trying to train the pups to come. Ernie is into it. If I say Come in a silly voice, he runs up to me and does that four-legged spring into the air that only little terrier dogs can do. Hazel, though? She is very cool. If I get all giddy and sing Come! she just gives me a look that says, You are pathetic, and then she plops down on the grass to eat some acorns.
2. I have been doing laundry. I am on a mission to find a mate for every unmated sock in this house. I had 56 individual socks at the beginning of the week. I now only need to find mates for 43. I see that as success. If you have kids you know it is, in fact, possible to have that many single socks. I think kids eat them.
3. I have been reading. I read two great books this week: Testimony by Anita Shreve (I give it a 7) and The Piano Teacher by Janice Lee. (I give it an 8.5). I need to write reviews on them. Maybe I will do that next.
4. I have been doing homework with Jordan. I have to say it: Homework sucks. A good parent is THERE when her kid does her homework. I am working at this being a good parent thing (it comes in spurts)--but can I tell you how MUCH I DON'T WANT TO re-teach factors? (clearly she was spacing in class...It was like she had never heard of the term...) Or can I tell you how much I don't want to re-test her 8 billion times until she not only spells Arkansas correctly but does not mix it up on the map with Arizona and Alabama? Or how much I don't want to fight with her about opening her damn book and doing some reading? (I ask you.. how can a child who has grown up with two book junkie parents NOT LIKE TO READ? I don't' get it...)
5. I have also been driving my kids to piano, and swimming, and soccer. And while there I have had inane conversations with other parents who clearly feel it as painful as I do to make small talk. (Okay, that was cynical.)
6. I have been obsessing over my athlete schedules. Sometimes this results in a good plan. Sometimes I get disgusted with my effort and have to start all over again.
7. I have been on the computer WAY too much.
So... this is my life.
It is a great one. I am not too busy. I am not too un-busy.
But I feel guilty.
Will I ever get over that?
I think it is the plight of the mom who once worked (very recently, actually) and is not only no longer contributing (financially) to the well-being of her home, but she is also picking her ass and counting freaking socks. (and reading books, and playing with her puppies, and staring at the computer).
I should be contributing.
I should be doing something of great meaning and import. I should not be counting mateless socks.
(although you could argue that had I been concerned about mateless socks earlier I would not have 43 socks without a match...)
Often when I realize that I have been reduced to counting socks and cleaning up puppy poop I start to feel rebellious. Rebellion is not good.
I need to keep myself in check.
I will say that I love the smell of puppy breath. It smells faintly of pee. It is distinct. It is intoxicating.
One more race!