I love food.
I have always loved food.
I like all food, even not really real foods, like Devil Dogs and Cheese-Its.
This is generally not a problem for me in terms weight. Because I exercise. A lot.
Still, every winter I gain weight, and every winter I start to contemplate whether I should try harder to change my diet so I can shed that weight and become a better version of ME. A new diet offers the promise of losing weight, but it also offers the promise that maybe said diet will enable improved performance.
I have read all about how one should eat to train well. I know about the timing of foods, the correct combination of food, the correct amount of calories I should consume during workouts and also throughout the day according to my height and activity level. I have also read everything in terms of types of diets: The Paleo Diet, The South Beach Diet, The Atkins Diet, Diet for a New America (the classic text to make you never want to eat a chicken ever again...) The China Study, Fitzgerald's Racing Weight, Andrew Weil's texts on The Optimum Diet, Ryan's Sports Nutrition for Endurance Athletes, Eberle's Endurance Sports Nutrition...
I HAVE READ THEM ALL.
But it doesn't change the fact that at 4 pm all I want (and therefore eat) are several pieces of toast with tons of peanut butter slathered on, or a few pieces of milk chocolate (not dark) also with peanut butter, and maybe a bowl or three of Grapenuts (no peanut butter--maybe some raisins) or a big hunk of Challah bread (which I really only bought for the kids! Really!) with several big chunks of hard, really sharp cheddar cheese on the side.
It doesn't change that.
Every year in about mid-June, some weight comes off. I have no idea why this happens. I eat as much in June as I do in January. But it does come off... maybe because my hours of weekly exercise starts to tip into the absolutely insane. I usually then hold that weight until the end of the season, and then gain weight, and then ....
I am here.
When I tell Andy that I'm concerned... that the weight won't come off and I feel bulky and slow, he just sighs. Mary... this happens every year, and every year you hit racing weight right when you need to....
Why can't I change? Why do I have no discipline around my diet--whether I have weight to lose or not? In the summer my diet is really no better. When I'm with Alina in Ocean Park we drink wine and go to the ice cream store almost every night.
There is no point to this post. I think I just lament that some people seem to be able to change their diets because they know they will live longer and feel better if they do. I know vegetarians, vegans, people who eat strictly according to the Paleo way of eating, and those who are totally gluten free. How do they do it? How do they stick to it?
I dont' really believe in deprivation. This could be why I never have success in sticking to any of those healthier ways of eating. I mean, what is a life without a big bowl of New York Super Fudge Chunk? (Please don't say a shorter life...) Sometimes I wonder if I don't believe in deprivation simply because I don't WANT to believe in it, though.
I'm not sure I'm looking for any tips. I think I just need people with whom to commiserate.
I love food--from peanut butter and Fluff on Wonder bread to brussel sprouts. I envy you if you are able to make yourself believe that you just want the brussel sprouts, and not the Fluff on white bread.