I haven't written for a bit.
It's not that I haven't wanted to write; it's that I have been strangely conflicted on what to write.
Writing comes most easily to me when I have nothing to say. How ironic is that? The last couple of weeks I have had a lot on my mind, and that has made it hard to put forth anything of interest or substance on this here blog.
On New Year's morning I went for a run with my friend and athlete, Maria, and another friend, Matt. We went 13 miles (okay, Maria, I know you did 14... :). It's the longest I've run in a very long time and it felt great. We weren't fast, but steady. And the conversation was good. I always love to start the new year with a long run or a race. It beats waking up hung over, that is for sure. I have always felt like celebrating the first day of the new year with a massive hangover is depressing (which is not to say I have not started many a year that way...) But still, what does having a hangover say about the year to come? It is not an auspicious beginning. Not at all.
So what about the year to come....
I have always liked the resolution part of New Year's. The problem is that I rarely adhere to my resolutions. This is likely because they are all of the same general variety: I will be a better mom, wife, coach, friend, person.... I will go faster. I will work harder. I will eat perfectly. I will be perfect. etc.
I realize making such goals is rather.... stupid. What does it look like to be a better mother? And why always BETTER?.... It is always about being better. Harrumph.
I should start framing things differently... like my resolution for 2011 is to be even more selfish than last year. Or... more specifically my goal is to buy more clothing/bathing suits/yoga outfits for myself, get more massages, and to allow myself more snuggle time with the dogs on the couch while reading books and ignoring my lovely little children. Or... oh boy... this is getting good. I will have at least one sweet treat every day all year. Or, I will allow myself to buy two books a month at Barnes and Nobles, just CAUSE. Or, I will go out to eat with my friends at least once every other week all year long, OR how about , --- I will say the word FUCK every day for a year... or how about I will masturbate--both metaphorically and physically-- at least once a day all year?
Now.... those are some resolutions I could really get in to....
So, this blog is about triathlon, so what are my resolutions there?
One big goal I have is to stop asking myself to outperform-- myself.
I want to be with wherever I am... just be there... and not feel crappy about myself for not being ahead of where I actually am.
I'm also resolving to change things up a bit in my training. What I have been doing-- well, it's worked. When I started triathlon I was an average age grouper. Now am an above average age grouper. I am pleased about that--definitely pleased--and I owe my betterment mostly to my coach, Jen. She catapulted me... from average-ville to above average-ville. She helped me believe I could be up there with the super fast girls--that I could be in the mix. And then she trained me so I could be.
She worked very hard for me. And I love and appreciate her for that.
But for the last few months I have been antsy. I have wanted to break out and try something new... I even tried coaching myself for a stretch to see what would happen! (I ended up having to take 10 weeks off... so that didn't work so well, I guess....) Anyway. I have been fidgety. I want to know more, learn more, expand my horizons... etc. and so on. And that requires movement. Movement can be scary. It can also help you to grow.
So, in 2011 I need to work triathlon from a different angle. And so I am going to work with a new coach this season.
I miss Jen already. That is not easy.
But I am really excited about what's happening next.
Happy New Year.