This wasn't always the case. But it has been the case for quite a bit of time now. I simply can't trust myself to create a course of action and stick to it. I've created some absolutely wonderful courses of action. I'm quite adept at that part. But execution seems to elude me at this point.
One very good thing did happen this week.
Andy bought a new vacuum.
This is good news, because I own five dogs (all of whom shed except one) and previous to owning this new vacuum, I owned a very very very very old and crusty vacuum. Really. This mofo was my mom's vacuum. It has been around since the mid 1970s, I KID YOU NOT.
Here is photographic evidence.
My previous vacuum.
Then again, when you believe the one good thing that happened this week is that you acquired a new vacuum, you are in trouble.
It means something.
It means you are old and you have no life, and also that you are a woman who keeps making false starts.
Among other things.
Early this week I had a good run. It was a breakthrough of sorts. I finally ran a decent pace; I finally felt pretty strong; I finally felt as if maybe, if I stick with it, I will be able to complete a marathon by the end of July.
That night, the night after my good run, my foot begin to swell. It hurt where it always hurts--at the second metatarsal, on top of the foot. Not my left foot, though--the foot in which I developed a stress fracture last summer. Same site, but opposite foot.
And I have to think.....
there is a message here.
The message is: Quite trying. Give it up. Give in. Stop believing it will come back. Just stop.
Focus on the vacuum, Mary. Focus on the vacuum.
What do we do when we feel the universe is asking us something, asking us to look differently--to stop trying the same thing and expecting a different result--but we can't figure out how to do that?
That is the million dollar question, and perhaps the origin of my false starting problem.
8 comments:
Mary,
I believe that vacuum is into the eighties, at least. It's
newer than the cottage vacuum,
which was just assessed as a 1984
model, in need of (only) a new cord
and hose. Of course we don't have
five dogs there . . . or do we?
Mom, This vacuum was the vacuum from the cottage when you BOUGHT THE COTTAGE in 1980!!!! So I know it's circa 1970. You bought us another one when we moved into 37 French -- but that one kicked the bucket awhile back.
I prefer to think of "false starts" as practice runs. Trying something out. Exploring it a bit to see if there are any nasties living there. Besides, a new vacuum could be a big deal. Did you see that diamond commercial where the guy bought his wife a vacuum, and she shoved him down into the doghouse with a bunch of other guys? Hilarious.
Bummer about your foot swelling up again. Hope it's nothing serious. Maybe it's that foot having sympathy pains for it's brother foot or something.
And that robot test. You do know you're helping to train Skynet, right? With comment moderation out ought not need the two word test thing. Or don't allow anonymous comments, that killed spam dead on my blog.
I think the message is to swim more, naturally. With me would be preferable :) It won't hurt your feet one bit. And you are good at it. And it is summer. And you have 52 swim suits. Should I go on?
And can I have your old vacuum?
Xxoo
I agree, you are a swim goddess, stick with that?
Or write a novel? Or short stories since they're easier to finish.
You'll figure it out. :)
I'm of the belief that if you really want something bad enough, you will find a way to work through all the crap, tell the universe to F*ck off and go for it. You have lots of "shit, why am I doing this?" moments along the way...but if you really love it, fighting through the "crap" is worth it.
Signed,
PJ
3 femoral shaft stress fractures
2 tibial stress fractures
Type 1 diabetes
Celiac disease
2 major hip surgeries (labral tears/FAI)
5 years of injury hell: finally injury free for the past year.
PS: I have vacuum jealousy.
I was scrolling through to find a picture of your new vacuum and now feel a bit deprived. Love that your mom commented and is arguing with you about the age of the vacuum.
Sometimes when you keep making false starts it's not what you're starting, it's how you're starting. You're going down the same road you've gone down for years in the same way. I am a great believer in Seinfeld's (or really George's) the opposite of me idea. You've got to to reverse, back up, go at it from a different angle. Be dfiferent about it. Which is hard, I know. Approach it from a different angle?
And yes. Swim lots. And write a book. Keep coaching. Because you are REALLY good at that and no false starts there.
We have a vacuum like that at camp!! :)
And like Alina said... Come up to Maine and I'll swim with you too. Xo ange
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