It's probably not on anyone's side, but I feel the slippage of time so acutely lately, I feel it warrants a post.
Since Kona, I feel like time has acclerated and I simply am not running fast enough to get everything done that I WANT to get done in the amount of time I've been allotted--both in each 24 hour period and also in my LIFE.
My bucket list is huge. It grows a little longer every time I pluck a white hair, and since each day I have more white hair... while you get the idea. It's like I can see the landslide... slipping slipping....
and I want to do it all before age conquers me.
Does anyone else experience this? My heart starts pounding when I think about it. The pressure. The pressure! I cannot sit on my ass or I might miss out on -- everything !
The problem is that I am not a solo unit. I can't scratch things off the MUST DO list when I have three little rugrats that rely on my placement HERE, and a husband who is as confined as me by job and kids and dogs and taking out the trash.
I had a dream last night that I was deep within the earth. I had crawled down there through this tunnel, and the deeper I crawled the harder I knew it would be to get out, but I did so anyway. it was like a compulsion. Finally I hit the bottom, and then realized I needed to start the journey back--to get air, and light. To be free again. The tunnel, as I climbed UP UP UP was dark and cold and wet. And then there was dirty clothing clogging the tunnel. At first I went by the clothing and thought... ugh, I'm going to have to go back to get that because it needs to be washed... but I kept going anyway. Then the clothing got to be so dense that I couldn't crawl past it .So I started pushing it up, up up... and it gathered and got harder and harder to push. There was so much of it and I was so far from the surface! It was weighing me down and then it began to wrap around me, suffocating me.
Then I woke up.
So there you have it.
I can't get to the top. I can't conquer the bucket list and I'm running out of air. I'm in a dark tunnel and suffocating on laundry. The brain frames dilemmas so well, doesn't it?