Okay. I admit it. I'm in a crappy mood.
I'm in Maine. I should be happy. I love Maine. But Maine is so cold right now. SO SO SO COLD. It is so cold that my swim this morning, done in the frigid Atlantic, was warmer than the air temperature. And I'm not kidding or exaggerating. The water temp. was 57 degrees. The air temp. was 54.
And the air temp. never got warmer.
And it's been this cold for more than a week.
And it's wet. And tomorrow will be the same. And Friday will still be wet, but it may climb, if we're lucky, into the mid-60's.
And it's July.
The one thing this weather is good for is running. I had a great, cool, misty run early this a.m. Of course if this weather keeps up for the next three weeks and then at Placid it's even remotely hot I'm totally screwed, as my body will not be acclimated at all.
Biking and OW swimming in this shit? Not so good. I swam mid-morning (thank you, Alina...) wearing my wetsuit and Alina's neoprene hat (thanks again). It was cold and choppy, and when the fog set in Alina got nervous and notified the lifeguard that I was out there and she couldn't see me anymore. I was fine, though. The rip tide that was so strong yesterday was less intense, so I was confident all would end well. (Yesterday was a different story. Probably not too smart to swim solo, which I did, naturally.) After my swim I took a positively boiling shower and then put on two long sleeved shirts, a sweatshirt, and then my Marmot jacket. I still haven't taken any of these layers off. I know the rest of the country is experiencing heat, and I know you want it to cool off.
Just be careful what you wish for.
Not that I'm bitter or anything.
Really.
My kids (and Alina's) seem unconcerned about the weather. At five tonight they insisted we go to the beach for a swim and to dig holes. It was 50 degrees and they wore bathing suits. . My oldest actually went swimming. The others just dug. and dug. I guess it's fun to dig.....
I just stood there shivering, occasionally asking if they were ready to go back for some nice warm cocoa...please? please?
One thing that is nice about the rain and cold is that our pace here has been slow--or as slow as it can get when you have six kids between the two of you. (Alina and I are sharing the house and we have all of our kids here together.) Over the years we have both become quite adept at drinking tea (or coffee in my case), reading and ignoring them all as they scream and run around like lunatics. At any rate, I have been waiting a long time to get to a place where I can just be without the worry of work and school hovering over my head. I'm starting to unwind. My shoulders have relaxed a bit this week for the first time in forever.
I have a lot to figure out. I'm sans job. I'm sans direction. I'm sans a deep knowing about--well--anything. I DO know I'd like to go back to school (again) for Master's degree number 3, this time in sport psychology and exercise physiology, but how can I 1. justify a third master's and 2. afford it even if I could justify it? And furthermore, isn't it about time I stopped going to school, teaching in school, being in school? It has been -- well-- about 34 years now...
Yep.
I am in a murky spot in life. You know when you are swimming OW and the water is clear and you can see the sand and the rocks and (gasp) sometimes fish? I like that. But then there are those other times--in other bodies of water-- in which the bottom is dark silt and black leaves, and you can see little if anything except for your own splash, which sometimes you mistake for a snapping turtle that may or may not be out to get you. It's disconcerting not to see, and to wonder whether you will eventually see, whether you will emerge from the murk and have clarity again. I've always had trouble with faith. Yet I need it to get through this period in my life. I need the faith that this too shall pass, and I will feel settled, connected and safe with myself again.
Meanwhile, I guess I'll watch my cherubs as they make their own summer reality. They are in Maine--with the beach, and the ice cream store, with their cousins and Aunt Alina. They are going to the beach in their swim trunks and swimming with their little boogie boards--even if it is 50 degrees, spitting rain, and the ocean is murky with seaweed and silt. Fuck the weather. They're getting on with it.
Somehow, I need to too.
14 comments:
Yeah murky swims are tough. And we've had an awful lot of them lately, eh?
I agree there are some good lessons to be learned from our kids this trip. Live for the moment. Rah rah! And eat yummy food. And take naps everyday.
Here's to seeing the bottom soon...(maybe the sun too)
I am glad you are feeling better, but swimming with a hat in summer is just wrong! I hope it warms up for you.
Seems like the kiddos can teach us a good lesson here... though I would NOT be happy about learning it if it has something to do with 50 degrees.
You should write a book. Seriously.
I also am experiencing a phase of my life where I have no idea what to do career wise. So thanks for writing about that aspect of your life, it makes me feel less alone in that.
im listening to the thunder, watching the lightning, and it makes me sick to my stomach to have to miss an OWS - it's scary enough as is to OWS. training in this weather though will certainly prepare you should last year's weather at IMLP appear!
cold sucks for swim and bike, but at least you see the good of it being good for the run. It's making you tough though.
Funny how what once was all dark and murky is now clear...maybe looking back is how you can build some faith?
'Murky' is the perfect word for it. Forget the 3rd masters; let's go to the Caribbean--water is crystal clear and they have lots of rum.
Murky is good. It makes the clear sections of life well... clear! I'm in Murkyville too. Misery loves company?? Where in Maine? I'm heading up there 2day. This weather SUCKS!
:-)
OK, I just cried. I am so connected to these feelings...and the imagine of your little ones running around as if it was 80 and sunny made me cry. It's wonderful, really. the sun will shine Mary. Not just in the sky...it'll shine again for you too. have faith.
i hope the hot temps come back fast.
I know what's at the bottom of that murky water where you can't see the bottom. Dead bodies. Millions of them. Ever seen Lord of the Rings? Like that scene in the swamp full of dead bodies. And when it's not dead people it's dead ducks, and beavers, and fish, and dogs... But enough about me...
I'm sorry that your vacation is so wet and cold and shitty. I'm sure there's a lesson in how your kids are dealing, but what in the WORLD could it be? Anyway, I too hope that the weather cooperates for you in Placid and it's 62ยบ and rainy. Let those California studs with their tans freeze to death! The Iron Matron is coming through... SLEEVELESS!
Good luck with the not knowing - good luck in taking your time with that. And good luck with the cold! It does make for excellent runs.
Even when we know where you are going, we kind of don't know, we just have a sense of (false) control and thus we feel good, for a little while at least. However, if we become comfortable with uncertainty and not knowing, we can feel good forever. Ana-Maria
Sorry the weather's been so crappy...I say this as I'm bailing an inch of water from my basement, granted at least it's somewhat seasonable in southern New England.
Don't worry about the acclimating part. New Zealand was hot and humid when I did it this year..and it was snowing in CT before I left. Your body will know how to react...just trust the training.
On the trying to find direction in mirky water I wish I had words of wisdom but sadly I'm in the same boat.
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