I have had a slew of totally crappy crappy workouts now. I have some sort of a sleeping/weak/tummy/bowel sickness. What is really truly annoying is that I actually feel okay. I'm am just like 1 degree off, and it is fucking up my week, big time.
Last night I went to bed at 10 p.m. This morning the alarm went off at 7 a.m. I turned it off, and then it was 8:30 a.m.like THAT. And I was still tired when I got up! That is like 10.5 hours of sleep! WTF! Meanwhile, my kids went downstairs and made pancakes while I slept. It's not unusual for them to do so, but the mess they make when they cook without me there never ceases to amaze me.
At any rate, I am procrastinating getting on the bike b/c I am having just a little trouble digesting breakfast, and also, no amount of coffee is making me feel like I have the umph to get the workout done. (It's a long one.) But yet I really don't feel bad. It is super annoying. It needs to go away.
I'm gearing up for a 1/2 marathon in a few weeks. I feel it is really possible I could PR. But then when I think about PRing I stop myself, afraid that I will be disappointed if I don't. That is stupid and not the way a "winner" thinks. I know this, yet my thinking is automatic. I have not even been thinking about biking and swimming. I have been doing them (though I admit to being somewhat slack about swimming lately) but they just aren't on my mind. Do you ever feel like if you are not thinking (read obsessing) about something then it will slip through your fingers? And I wonder why I am in therapy. That sentence just sounds so WRONG. I clearly use anxiety and obsession to (ironically) ease the fear that I will fail.
Blah. Lately I am super duper in tune with my psychological ailments. I mean, everyone is psychologically ailing, really. I know this. We all have our shit. But I am just perseverating about MY shit lately. Sometimes doesn't it seem totally impossible to get over, beyond, at peace, WHATEVER with your shit? Especially if your shit gets in the way of important stuff. ek. I know I am being vague. It's like that trap of wanting to talk about something, deciding to do it in a public sphere, and then just being half-assed and circling around but never landing because you can't REALLY say what is on your mind.
I am truly impressed if you are still with me at this point.
In other news. I really like my coach. He is a good, smart egg.
Here are a few tidbits from the Wilson household this fine, Saturday morning.
1. Andy is away with two good friends who are both cops. They are in northern Maine drinking beer and shooting guns and staying in a log cabin without heat. hmmm....
2. Noah, my 7 year old, is walking around naked because he wet his bed last night, stripped himself of his wet PJs, and now feels it's necessary to walk around in the buff with just a fleece blanket wrapped around him.
3. Jordan put orange juice in a glass last night, stuck a knife in it, and froze it. Now she is walking around with a huge orange juice popsicle with a gigantic,rather sharp knife lodged in it. Please do not call DSS on me.
4. Jordan just said, Ummm, mom? Don't you have to get on the bike? Love it when my kids call me on my procrastination.
4. This is the best one of all.
Hazel just took a crap in the house. It was a crap that wasn't really a crap. It was a sock, encrusted with crap. (She must have eaten the sock in the last 36 hours). This sock encrusted crap was attached to another crap by way of a long hair (probably one of mine). Ernie picked up the sock crap and began running around with it, the hair crap flowing behind him as he ran. Hazel chased him and they began to play tug with the crap (remember it was solid because it was really a sock encrusted crap), until I realized what it was they were playing tug with. After a horrified scream, I tried to get the crap out of Ernie's mouth (holding a paper towel in my hand to do it). Hazel grabbed the paper towel as my hand locked on the shit.
And that is my morning. This is my life.
14 comments:
Sounds like a super fun morning! I am impressed with the OJ Popsicle, did she even run it under hot water to get it out of the glass?!
Our dogs eats weird stuff all the time. One of them often poops ONLY stuffed animal. Like, it goes through his digestive system whole (remember she is 8 pounds) and then out comes the same thing she swallowed, it is pretty gross!
What half are you doing? New Bedford? PW, Brian, and I will be there, if so!
One of the big reasons I read other people's blogs is that it reminds me how good I have it. No kids. No dogs. A cat that sometimes "misses the box" by a few feet. I'm pretty healthy. No weird dietary restrictions. No obnoxious family screwing up my life. My job doesn't make me want to slit my wrists.
Come to think of it, maybe that's why nobody reads my blog. I bored them all.
whoah...trying to get over #4!!
Lola wants to be naked all the time and wrapped up in her fuzzy white blanket. totally normal sounding to me :D
Hope you are feeling better and you get your mojo back soon
I love the stories about your dogs, sounds similar to my house. Last month, my dachsund mutt was obsessed with eating baby socks and then throwing them up. And on Thursday morning my husband woke up to find a piece of dried dog shit on his side of the bed. Not really sure how that happened?
I went through ~a week last month where I just had this little nagging virus- it wasn't bad enough to stop me from training but it was bad enough to stop me from feeling good while I was training. Sucks. In good news, at some point it'll go away and you'll feel back to normal again, though even that won
't help it when you dog is shitting socks. I have to admit, I laughed really hard while reading this, but only because you do such a good job of describing it. ;)
You are going to PR! About those automatic thoughts, reframe the mother f*ckers!
What helped me before my HM was to set some goals other than a PR - e.g., feeling like puking by the end of the race, HR over 180, etc. That lowered the pressure of a PR, because, in my opinion, the faster we get, the more things need to 'click' for us (for me!) to get a PR. But, you are in great running shape AND you are a fierce competitior.
I wish I could talk about my shit on the blog - not a lot of it, but some, of course - but I can't due to work.
Therapy is great! I should know:)
Not sure what to say about your doggies. Hate dogs in general right now, since I literally had to jump over one this morning at the Fresh Pond Race.
Feel better, Mary! And get on that bike already!
I am crying-laughing. thanks, your confession of real life crap and psychological shit made me feel better. How's that for fucked up? xxoo
OMG so funny, somebody elses life that is crazier than mine.
Love the popsicle idea - my 10 year old is obsessed with fire and knives as well... and makes an unbelievable mess in the kitchen when she cooks.
As for the ducking fogs - man oh ma. Our two little b******s are peeing everywhere - it's a territory thing but I hate it. It's driving me nearly as nuts as my FIL who adores them, lives next door and keeps coming in and saying "where are the boys (=dogs)?". I think I need me some therapy.
As for not putting it all out there - trod that fine line when I was going through some major crap last year and on the whole I managed to get support / insights etc. from blog readers that was relevant without actually going into the full gruelling detail. Am saving that for the soap opera.
Hehe..you have a way more exciting life than mine. Crap and all. Hope you get your workout in. I know the feeling of having your workouts get away from you during an off week. I HATE that. Looking forward to reding your article in Runners World. I tried to find it in Borders today while I was at Legacy but they only had Feb. edition.
mary! you are lucky the sock didnt get wrapped around her intestines. tyhat could have caused you about about 3k in vet bills, if she even survived. take those dogs for a walk so they dont eat shit they arent supposed to dammit!
i think its funny how you are able to write about your problems without really identifying what they are to us. i love the way you write. will you write my book for me. :)
xxoo. thanks for your kind words on the blog too.
p.s. RIDE YOUR BIKE!!!
That sock crap story made me crack up!
OMG, #4 - I'm just dying here Mary!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so sorry, but that is the funniest mental image I've had in a long, long time. I will have to remember to be kinder to Eddie when he simply pees a little in the corner because he forgets he has a bark when the kids ignore him whining quietly in front of the door. It could be worse. Much, much worse. :)
I hope you feel better this week. I think some of the "blah" is just the weather around here. I am in a bit of a funk myself for no apparent reason, and it's bugging the shit out of me. I'm SO ready to be CRAZY excited about my training, but ..... I'm not. Going through the motions at this point, but at least we are going through the motions. Keep on chugging along!
Okay, you kind of lost me. Maybe because I haven't been around for like 2 years (it's good to be back!). HOWEVER, what I think I get is that Mary Is Being Negative. Negativity doesn't really help (I guess the self-help books were right about something). I've been trying to catch myself every time I say something negative, and now I talk a lot less.
When you find the key, let me know!
PS You probably shouldn't feed your dog socks and hairballs. My cat woke me up 2 nights ago coughing up a hairball, and as a result I didn't get a good night's sleep and was in a bad mood the next day. Therefore, the root of all bad moods is pet stomach upset.
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