I seldom believe that a person's motivations stem from anything but self need. Even Mother Theresa needed something. I'm not sure what... but her motivation to be the saint she was stemmed from some place of emptiness... of a self that needed to be recognized by God, by others... by something. Ultimately, I don't believe in altruism. It is a human contrivance used to try to mask our selfishness.
See. I'm bad.
I like to watch my dogs because they are so unabashed about their selfishness. Ernie and Hazel love each other, I think--or they love each other in the dog version of that--but they will nevertheless steal eachother's food, or hog the best place in their shared crate, or jump all over me in jealously and desperation when I pay any attention to the other. Kids are somewhat like this, as well. They wear their selfishness in the open, at least until they ripen to the point of understanding they must hide their selfish desires in favor of appearing "human."
Except it's human to watch out first for self. It's human to be selfish. If it weren't human to be selfish, our species would have died out a long time ago. Species simply do not last the cold indifference of evolution if they are altruistic. It just doesn't work. So what is actually human is our playing at altruism... at care.
This is not to say that humans don't experience care. They do. It's just that care does not stop most of us from moving onward with our lives in the face of world tragedy, for example. I felt horror watching videos of the Tsunami wreckage in Japan. And then I went to Starbucks and got myself a latte and thought about who knows what: my upcoming race, what I needed at the grocery store, whether I had enough time to walk the dogs before I got the kids off the bus.. And I don't think this makes me a bad person. I think it makes me a human person.
Naked I came into this world, naked I shall go out of it. And a very good thing too, for it reminds me that I am naked under my shirt, whatever its colour.
(That's E.M. Forster. He's a smart dude.)
etc.
Why the hell am I writing about this? It is certainly not uplifting. It is jaded. And I know many of you are thinking I have it all wrong. That I need to, perhaps, study Jesus. That humans are not animals and were designed separately... uniquely...
I'm not really having an existential crisis. I'm not.
Really I'm just trying to make myself feel okay about my life and my choices. So it's all about me. Of course. ;)
_________________
Because this post is such a boring downer and only written so I can blab and get my jaded self some air time... I will end it with some down-to-earth regular tri-blog fare.
- I had a smokin' run today. And then I got on the bike to do these really hard intervals and I nearly keeled over and died trying to do them. And if I did die? You would feel this pang! And then you would go get a latte... (oops, sorry. still being jaded.)
- I'm trying to figure out my game plan for Boston. The only plan I have is to P.R. I just don't don't know how I'm going to do that yet.
- I'm going to ride outside on Saturday morning even if it's 20 below zero. I'm done with the trainer. DONE! But I have watched several seasons of Desperate Housewives. Excellent show, I must say. Many a crisis to put my own crises in perspective.
Have a great weekend!
10 comments:
be careful on saturday my girlfriend took a nasty spill on some black ice and her hip is killing her. I hate the trainer but I'm not willing to be out a season. Hang in there, there is plenty of time to get out, or if you do just be really careful- we need Mary around.
Being jaded is another way of saying that you're bored. Why is that? For many people it's because they don't get enough sleep. Their brains can't process their experiences fully. Sometimes it's because they are trying to do to much, and don't pay attention to anything, because they're trying to pay attention to everything. Which us humans can't do.
So when people tell me they're bored, I tell them to catch up on their sleep, get some exercise, eat some good food, and stop watching TV. Once they do that, they usually wake up enough to get interested in something.
I am with you, altruism does not exist. No matter how you turn it around, we are all selfish to the core. The only situation that is different is when it comes to our kids. Honestly, I would not blink an eye having to die for my son. This was a huge issue for me when I discovered it after his birth. It felt so wrong, made me feel so vulnerable. I think people who are overly altruistic are actually overcompensating for selfishness.
You had an awesome run? Good for you, I have been dragging after the race. PR at Boston, no doubt. Sub 3:10, I think, even on the tough Boston course.
This post was so exrutiatingly honest. And I loved every word of it. I often feel so guilty about my own selfishness. Even as a parent. But I think you are right; it is human nature. Thank you for being so real, and see you in boston??
http://plato.stanford.edu/entries/altruism-biological/
I'm soooooooo excited to hear about your Boston race & expect a superdetailed race report!!!
As much as many will try to disagree with this post, you certainly have a very valid point!
With that being said
1-great run/ride. Glad you did not die. I would have gone to Dunkin Donuts though...not a SB fan
2-Can't believe we ran into you in Camb. awesome. Nice to meet you! I failed to remember I had my copy of RW in my backpack and should have had you autograph it :)
3-Dawn and I are riding Sat too (supposed to be 30*ish) so feel free to join us if you wanna haul up to Maine! ha
@ Doug. From the Stanford article:
"The key point to remember is that biological altruism cannot be equated with altruism in the everyday vernacular sense. Biological altruism is defined in terms of fitness consequences, not motivating intentions. If by ‘real’ altruism we mean altruism done with the conscious intention to help, then the vast majority of living creatures are not capable of ‘real’ altruism nor therefore of ‘real’ selfishness either."
I am speaking of the vernacular. And okay, so neither altruism nor selfishness exit. I can swallow that.
No question altruism exists from the stance of reproductive selfish gene theory. The Red Queen by Matt Ridley gets at this well in his text, which was more recently published than this article. The only way we stretch the idea that reproductive altruism extends to the human in the form of care is the argument of caring for our progeny--or in caring for the survival of the species-- both which circle back to the self--the preservation of the "right" genes--the genes we are biologically programmed to pass along.
Basically I agree with you.
You're so honest. I love it. We all feel it. And know it. Heading into 40, I'm ready to acknowledge it.
Doesn't make you feel amazing about yourself though does it?
Still - it's the human condition.
Go PR in Boston. And let me know if you're organising / attending a meetup. Woudl love to meet you. particularly after the race - we can have conversations like this with a glass of wine or ten.
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