Being Liked and Being Right

Here's a little haiku reflecting my morning mood:

Lost a follower
And Damn! I know who it is
How do I make up?

while simultaneously this:

Fuck everyone else
I am consistently right
Please don't forget it.

while simultaneously this:

Keeping it in check
Why can't I just hold my tongue?
My will betrays me.

while simultaneously this:

I found a gray hair
And I pulled that fucker out
But still, I will lose.

Can you tell I spent 15 years as a sixth grade teacher? Do you know how many poetry units start with the haiku?

Ahh welllllll....
Today I have a day off from training.
These were my plans:

• Get a massage from MIKE, who is freaking awesome and tears my muscles up. It also helps that he is young, and quite hot.
• Meet my friend Lizzie for lunch.
• Do a little shopping at my very favorite high-end thrift shop with Lizzie.
• Treat myself to a Starbucks latte with whole milk and the real sugary syrup I love so much.

But it all went wrong.. weep weep.

• Mike is off today. No massage for moi.
• Lizzie's  little girl is barfing. She must stay home.
• No one to shop with makes shopping NO FUN.

I will have the Starbucks. It's my only remaining treat.

This week I have been all in a storm. Who knows why... I feel agitated and angry, super intense and ready to pick fights. So I picked fights. It felt good. But it also got me in trouble a bit. It always does.... sigh.
I blame the rest week. I always get fucked up during rest weeks.

I am reading about ten super good books right now. For fiction I'm reading The Virgin of Small Plains by Nancy Pickard. It's a suspense--a story of family secrets and murder, with just the right balance of romance and tawdry sex. Totally delicious.  I've also been reading Finding Meaning in the Second Half of Live : How to Finally Grow Up by James Hollis, who is a Jungian analyst. (It was the latter half of the title that appealed to me.... ) I like the book--I've studied Jung (not as much as you, Dad, but still.....) and I appreciate how he uses Jungian philosophy to highlight the challenges in moving from being young to being old, but I struggle with it because I am essentially an existential nihilist--and don't believe in meaning a priori. That's for another post, though.  Finally, I'm reading Base Building for Cyclists by Thomas Chapple. He is of the train smart, not necessarily hard camp. It's important for me to read books such as his, since I am your typical triathlete work horse, who is fearful of not working hard enough and totally suspicious of taking rest.

Okay. My vow is to be all sweetness and light for a least a few days. No more bad moods, no more doing shots to get over bad moods, no more picking fights so I can scratch the damn itch.

And on that note, I hope you all have a lovely, lovely day.