Selfishness and Sacrifice and I Feel Like Ranting

Triathlon is both selfish and involves sacrifice.

Does that seem oxymoronic to you?
Triathlon as  selfish sacrifice or sacrificial selfishness?


Definitions to start us off:

Main Entry: self·ish

Pronunciation: \ˈsel-fish\

Function: adjective

Date: 1640

1 : concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself : seeking or concentrating on one's own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others
2 : arising from concern with one's own welfare or advantage in disregard of others

Main Entry: ¹sac·ri·fice

Pronunciation: \ˈsa-krə-ˌfīs, also -fəs or -ˌfīz\

Function: noun

Etymology: Middle English, from Anglo-French, from Latin sacrificium, from sacr-, sacer + facere to make — more at do

Date: 13th century

1 : an act of offering to a deity something precious; especially : the killing of a victim on an altar
2 : something offered in sacrifice
3 a : destruction or surrender of something for the sake of something else b : something given up or lost s made by parents>
4 : loss

 (both definitions taken from our buddy Webster.)

Upon looking at definitions the two words seem less oxymoronic. In order to excel in triathlon one must be concerned with the self to an excessive degree; he must seek advantage, and sometimes, maybe even often, he must disregard others to do so.  Conversely, (or maybe not) to sacrifice is to surrender something for the sake of something else. The something else, in this case, is getting good at triathlon--which really, let's be frank here, benefits no one except the self--so really the triathlete is sacrificing certain things (time with family, time devoted to work, a slice of pizza) for the self. 

However, the word sacrifice implies something good, something right, something altruistic. The word selfish implies -- well, selfishness. Which we know isn't good.... 

Case in point, you frequently hear coaches and athletes throw around the idea that excelling at triathlon involves sacrifice, but you will seldom hear the same folk saying that triathlon involves a great deal of selfishness--even though, as we just determined, selfishness and sacrifice for the benefit of the self are basically synonymous.

blah blah blah

Where am I going with this? 

I guess I am plain sick and fucking tired of the implication that I--and my fellow brethren, the triathletes--are selfish. I'm sick of it, but I'm equally sick of triathletes tooting their own horns by endlessly repeating that committing to triathlon involves sacrifice, when, ironically and somehow unbeknownst to them, that sacrifice is in service to none other than the self. 

I am a person very concerned with the self, or so I have been told. I have even been labeled narcissistic, which I think is a little mean-spirited and really goes too far, but perhaps does hold some truth. I fully acknowledge I have never thrived as a martyr or an altruist, and to some extent I have disdain for both types, which I hold, quite cynically, are often matyrish and altruistic in service to a need to feel self important and congratulatory.  In any case, I've embraced that I count, and that I better stand up for me and what I want, because hell, no one else will. 

I think what irks me about the accusation that triathlon is selfish, though, is not that I feel defensive on account of me. I AM selfish when it comes to things that feed my soul. I always have been--I admit it--I even kind of embrace it. What irks me, though, is that nearly everyone is selfish in some way--often in a major way--but they are not labeled as selfish. It is not selfish to garden, or to read obsessively, or to hike mountains (I'm thinking of my parents here. Love you both! :) or to play golf or do the crossword each day or to travel. Or maybe those things are considered selfish, but I'm just unaware? Is doing anything for the self-- selfish? 

My gut says yes, everything done for the self is selfish---especially.  if . you. are. a. mom.

Triathletes as a group are considered vain and selfish, but the triathlete Mom? She is the most vain and selfish. She works at her game endlessly, and sacrifices time baking cookies with her children to do so.  The mom getting coffee with her friend, or playing tennis or running for the school committee also sacrifices time with her wee ones to up her game--but that is not considered selfish. I haven't figured out why yet. 

 I am so very sick of being viewed as selfish (even if it is true to a great extent) but I'm equally tired of triathletes using the word sacrifice to honor their commitment to their sport. True, excelling in triathlon means that you need to get sleep (somehow that's a sacrifice, though I'm still confused as to how), to eat well (again????) and to spend endless time away from others perfecting our game. We sacrifice--yes--we sacrifice--but we sacrifice not in a selfless way, which is what, at least in my mind, the word sacrifice should be used in reference to. Hearing that  one must sacrifice to get good at triathlon makes me want to hurl... really. It's a sacrifice to devote endless hours to something you love? It's a sacrifice to insist you get sleep and eat good, healthy food? It's a sacrifice to spend money on triathlon equipment -- money that could be sent to the American Red Cross to or C.A.R.E? Come ON! 

I'm selfish. I sacrifice. 

As a mom, it's not okay to be the first, but perfectly acceptable to do the latter--even though in the end, they can be the exact same thing. 

If you're a mom, it's hard to get it right.