Time

Yesterday my youngest, Lara, turned five. She will go to kindergarten next year, and all of my children will be in elementary school. On Sunday we threw her a party with a jumpy castle and I made her a cake.

Also yesterday, the best dog ever, my so sweet and awesome pup, died. The vet wasn't sure if it was renal failure, or maybe bladder cancer, or maybe the tumor on his bottom pressing against his organs. It didn't matter. He was in pain, and 98 years old in people years. And he was deaf and mostly blind, and really could not walk very well anymore. And he was ready to die. But that doesn't make it okay.

And next week I turn forty.
and then a few days later I do an Ironman.

I am occupying a weird space.

I have a few ideas for good posts, and they are coming. But first I need to say that a few days ago I was 26. I was moving into an apartment, and living alone for the first time. And I got a puppy and I named him Linus.
A few days after that I moved in with Andy, got another dog, Minna, got married and then just a few days after that I had three babies (on separate days, of course.) I nursed them all for many days, and then after just a little bit, they could walk and talk and swim and go to school and write and read.

And then yesterday my little yellow puppy was lying in my lap as the vet pushed in the needle that would stop his heart.

Someone needs to tell me how this happened... how time got moving at warp speed and brought me here. I can't be forty next week. I can't have lost my little yellow puppy. I just got him. I just brought him home to my little apartment with just a bedroom and a bathroom and me and him.

RIP Linus and Minna. I hope you are with each other again. I miss you.