Yesterday my youngest, Lara, turned five. She will go to kindergarten next year, and all of my children will be in elementary school. On Sunday we threw her a party with a jumpy castle and I made her a cake.
Also yesterday, the best dog ever, my so sweet and awesome pup, died. The vet wasn't sure if it was renal failure, or maybe bladder cancer, or maybe the tumor on his bottom pressing against his organs. It didn't matter. He was in pain, and 98 years old in people years. And he was deaf and mostly blind, and really could not walk very well anymore. And he was ready to die. But that doesn't make it okay.
And next week I turn forty.
and then a few days later I do an Ironman.
I am occupying a weird space.
I have a few ideas for good posts, and they are coming. But first I need to say that a few days ago I was 26. I was moving into an apartment, and living alone for the first time. And I got a puppy and I named him Linus.
A few days after that I moved in with Andy, got another dog, Minna, got married and then just a few days after that I had three babies (on separate days, of course.) I nursed them all for many days, and then after just a little bit, they could walk and talk and swim and go to school and write and read.
And then yesterday my little yellow puppy was lying in my lap as the vet pushed in the needle that would stop his heart.
Someone needs to tell me how this happened... how time got moving at warp speed and brought me here. I can't be forty next week. I can't have lost my little yellow puppy. I just got him. I just brought him home to my little apartment with just a bedroom and a bathroom and me and him.
RIP Linus and Minna. I hope you are with each other again. I miss you.
25 comments:
I'm sorry for your loss. Your post has me teared up - Your yellow pup looked like mine, and my oldest starts preschool tomorrow.
You will do awesome at the IM, and happy birthday!
my doggie is 10 and doesn't have a ton of time left either. I can't imagine my life without him. I"m sure you will miss him sooooo much. Lots of love right now. So sorry for your loss.
I am sorry about the pup. I just celebrated 5 with my little one - very happy occasion - but I know the weird space well.
Oh, wow...I am crying here. So sorry about Linus. He s surely in dog heaven now, chasing balls, chewing sticks, getting belly rubs, round the clock.
I type this as I pet my 22nd birthday present with my feet, Annabelle, the 12 year old golden thinking that my oldest is way too young for kindergarten in august. I am wrong.
You're not alone...
Time freaking flies. And the only problem with dogs is that they don't live forever.
Mary, I'm sorry. And yes, time does fly by. Let yourself ponder all of these things for a few days, then you'll have plenty of time to focus for IMCDA. I look forward to hearing about your taper.
oh Mary, I'm so sorry. What a beautiful pup. Now I need to go get a tissue. take care.
PS. 40 is pretty good.
Thank you for your post. I've had a big cry stuck inside for awhile now. It's out and tears are flowing. Linus and Minna have the most handsome Irish setter to hang out with. He was a week shy of 13. I was 27 1/2 when I got him and promised it was him and me forever. I miss him.
Take care. ~Tara
I'm very sorry to hear about Linus. No matter how long they're with us, it's not nearly enough time.
I cried when Minna died and I'm crying now!!! So sorry about those pups. I know time goes by so fast. Kids grow and we grow as parents as well. You have grown beautifully, look at you now doing IM and kicking ass. Age is not slowing you down!! You go, girl :)
xoxoxo
aw mary - so sorry to hear of linus' passing. my thoughts are with you.
I am so sorry for your loss, Mary.
I was entertaining similar thoughts this past weekend, trying to understand how the past 10 years have gone by so quickly. I often feel I don't appreciate the present enough, so hard to do in the midst of everything, stuff, life. You've done amazing things with yout life, you've challenged yourself and faced your fears while keeping the structure of your life more or less untouched. Be very proud. Times goes by, all we can do is make the best of today. You are!
:( So so so sorry Mary. I totally get this - and my heart is broken for you...
I read this last night before bed but couldnt comment bc I was too torn up. I am sure your pups are playing in heaven and playing with Penny, Candy, Mocha, and Iona. What a huge off leash park they must have:)
Sorry Mary. I hope you are doing ok...
So sorry to hear. Definitely a powerful sentiment, and I wish you and your family the best dealing with everything.
As an aside, I was going to post a link to "Once in a Lifetime" by Talking Heads, before reading that some people think it means very different things than I thought.
@ Dave. That's the right song... yes. It's about crisis--time slipping--waking up one day the main player in the life that you created--but you can't quite get at how or why you created it. It's not about discovering sexual orientation.
Sob. I'm so sorry for that moment of letting go, it hurts so badly. Your memories and pictures are an amazing legacy of Linus to share - thanks for doing it when the hurt is still so fresh.
so sad for you guys...linus and minna and lots of other doggy friends are definately up there playing together.
Time does go too fast. I guess it's a reminder for us to all stop worrying about day to day junk that gets in the way and appreciate those we love and enjoy all the moments.
Awww, probably nothing I can say to make you feel better, but I am sorry to hear that you lost a (furry) friend.
What a bittersweet day for you. I am sorry for your loss; it is never easy to lose a pet, they are, after all, part of the family. I hope your daughter had a nice birthday. The time goes by so quickly, so quickly.
If it is any consolation, on turning 40, it isn't that bad. I promise.
BTW, I have decided birthdays and triathlons go together well; it worked for me.
Thank you for sharing and very sorry for your loss.
What a sweet dog. Time does fly.
Sorry for you loss!!! No fun at all! Makes me remember my happy times with my yellow lab
Just reading through all of your posts. Sitting here, having a piece of toast, and started to sob at this one. I feel in warp speed too. My kids, older, me turning 40 this year this year too....but your puppies. Uh, precious, and what a great long life they led. Sorry for your loss.
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