Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Where I've Been

Not here.

Instead, I've been living vicariously through the athletes I know who traveled to Kona and competed this weekend.
Watching that video stream never got old.

First, a very loud congrats to Ange--my idol.  She seriously, seriously worked her tush off training for Lake Placid, and then, with total grit, picked herself up and trained all summer and fall for the World Championship. At Kona she raced her heart out, overcame the heat, and triumphed. I remember when Ange and I ran Chicago in '07. It was the hot year. We both totally melted (really--it was ugly), and at the end talked about how if this was bad, what it would be like to do Hawaii? Little did she know that she WOULD be doing Hawaii just two years later--in heat much more powerful than that of Chicago that day. You did it, Ange. You did it.

Also a huge congrats to my blogger buddies MichelleMarit, and Kerrie, and my former QT2 peeps Michelle, Pam, Molly, Pat and Cait. They were all awesome. Most impressive was Michelle S's killer bike split of 5:43 and Michelle J's run split of 3:31. (It must be something about being named Michelle? Can I change my name?)

Being so immersed in all things Kona has me thinking and talking triathlon even  more than I usually do, and that's saying something.  I'm sure Andy wants to press my off button. Since that's not possible it appears his strategy is to turn down the volume in his brain when he hears the word Kona uttered. It's cool to watch. Just look at him and say KONA, then watch his eyes slowly glaze over as he moves away like an automaton.

The other day I was asked what I'd do if I didn't qualify for Kona at IM CDA next year.

I waited a split second. What would I do?
Well actually, that's an easy one. I'd try again! I love this shit! Let's see... which IM should I pick next?

_______________________________

On a totally different note.
I like to write. (shocker, I know.)

Writing and triathlon share a few things in my world. 
  • Both are hobbies which I'd rather were my careers.
  • As careers they both make next to nothing unless one is wildly successful, and being wildly successful at either is rare.
  • Both hurt when the going gets tough. (If writing doesn't ever hurt, then you haven't really tried at writing.)
  • Both require discipline and consistency. 
  • Both have their sprints (short essays, posts, short shorts), olympics (short stories, longer essays), and endurance events (novels, non-fiction text) . To excel at any one of these distances/types of writing requires specific focus, and if you excel in one area, you may not excel in another. 
  • Both can be highly self-centered pursuits.
  • Both require support staff, e.g. a coach, editor. 
  • Both bring me enormous satisfaction.
  • It takes serious guts to say to the world, I am a triathlete. I am a coach. I am writer. 
I couldn't teach this year. As I've reiterated over and over, I completely burnt myself out, and I need a long recovery period before I can even think about resuming that career. 
There were some nice things about that career, however. One thing I liked is that getting into teaching is a straightforward process. You earn your M.Ed (or you simply get certified), you apply, you begin. This is not to say that teaching is easy. It's not. It's also not at all what most non-teachers think it is--but that's another post. My point is only that when you begin teaching  you become a part of a system that is in place. You don't create the system. You move into it, you fight with it or become one with it, but it is there--immovable and concrete.

Not so with professions like coaching or writing. With teaching you must be hired. The very act of being hired gives the teacher a boost. We think you'd be good--come on in and join us! But with coaching and writing you have to put yourself out there without that boost. You don't become a part of a system--you have to build your own system and have the faith that it will stand.

And that requires enormous confidence.

Which I lack.

I turn 40 in about eight months. (Not that I think about that much. Not me.)
What that says to me is that it's time to shit or get off the fucking pot.

Hi. I'm Mary. I am a writer. I am a coach. I am a triathlete.

Look for more from me, because I'm not hiding behind the system any longer.

14 comments:

Velma said...

I hear ya on the writing. It is so hard to raft knowledge and then send it off into a void where it is critiqued by strangers. That can be glorious fun or it can hurt like hell.

Let me know if you find the confidence train - I need to hop on.

Michelle said...

What I'm taking from this post is that there is hope for me. Smokin' bike splits, speedy run splits. All because my parents like the song Michelle, My Belle...

Woot! :)

Marit C-L said...

Hey there! Send me an email - I'm at 'mchrislaut at aol dot com' I think the Kona swim was actually A LOT easier than the CDA swim - but I had virtually no contact and no roughhousing or anything. I lined up way far left - so I may have ended up swimming a little more...but the open water was worth it! CDA was tough for ME just because we were funneled into the start - but you are such a rockstar swimmer, that I don't think you would have a tough time getting ahead of the pack. I deliberately lined up further back and then found myself stuck and boxed in. Boo! Kona was MUCH better... shoot me an email - I would love to 'meet' you!

John said...

Hi Mary. Welcome to life outside the system. :)

Speed Racer said...

Are you really trying your hand at writing? Sorry, I've been under the Kona/self-centered IM training rock too... Cuz I'm finding it pays less than babysitting. I'm sure you'll be much more successful though.

Kristina said...

How do I click 'like' on this blog post?!? Oh yeah, that's my other reality.
Shit or get off the pot. Yes. Though I think I'm diarrhetic (sp).

Running and living said...

You have what it takes to be what you want to be. And confidence will come, you will build it! Good luck! Ana-Maria

GoBigGreen said...

It sure is addictive, talking and wishing for Kona! I am not there yet but my fiance said "Is Jen coming on our honeymoon with us?" LOL.

Regina said...

Oh yeah. I'm an artist. Welcome to the little or no money reality that is my life. Funny thing is, I've always loved writing and thought if I couldn't be an artist I would love to write. Why can't I choose a more lucrative interest? Why?

At 42 I'm still sitting on the pot, constipated. Although I'm doing what I've always wanted for a living, it's somehow unfulfilling anymore.

One of the things that attracted me to your blog is your writing, I really enjoy it. I also happen to think you're damn good at it.

Michelle Simmons said...

There's a quote somewhere that talks about how when you make a decision and decide to do something, Providence moves too... and all sorts of things line up and happen that would have other wise not happened at all, and it's because you made the decision in the first place. Kinda cool to think about.

Anyway, I think you and I would be good friends if we lived closer. :) I like your style.

Lucho said...

"Both bring me enormous satisfaction"

Which in many people's eye is equal to success. The "system" seems to define success by a monetary value? If you are no longer part of the system then you're a billionaire.

And 40 is new 30 :) I'll be 40 in a couple of years and I've never been wiser, fitter, or happier.

Jennifer Harrison said...

I like real people. THANKS for being real, Mary.

Michelle Simmons said...

I found the quote...

"Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back-- Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth that ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Begin it now."

Judi said...

can you teach me to run fast?