Thursday, October 29, 2009

Diagnosis: or Give Me A Freaking Break

Here is the diagnosis of mon doux pied:

metatarsalgia.

Would you like to know what metatarsalgia translates to from the Latin?
BALL OF THE FOOT PAIN.
Jesus.  No shit, Sherlock.

Basically Lucho got it. Thanks, Lucho! You win the House prize... I should have just listened to you instead of going to el doctor, since el doctor told me verbatim what you did. sigh.

So the deal is that my feet are anatomically challenged. I knew they were brutal hasslich, but apparently they are also just totally fucked up. I have bunions (inherited and then made worse by years of dance en pointe as a young lassie) that are now pretty much at a 90 degree angle. Add to this that I have a Morton's toe, (second toe is longer than my big toe), and an extra bone in my second metatarsal region.  (I also have a Plantar Wart on my heel that has been with me since sixth grade, incurable athlete's foot and mangled, yellow toenails that often fall off, but apparently those features of my delicate tootsies have nothing to do with my metatarsalgia, they merely add to the glamor of my lovely feet.)

Don't you just want to suck on my toes? I thought so. Get in line.

Apparently there is no real cure for this ailment. I need to, as Lucho suggested, wear shoes with a wide toe box, I need arch supports, and I need metatarsal pads for the balls of my feet. The problem was exacerbated by my running, but not the cause of it, so that's nice to know. Even if I sat on my ass all day I would likely have the old ball of the foot pain, just because of the nature of my feet. 

Well, all's well that ends well. I need to get me some little Arthrex inserts and I'm good to go. If the pain persists, the cure is to suck it up and deal.

_____________________
Onto other riveting items:

I loved the responses to my Weight post. It made me all warm and fuzzy inside to know that most of you liked my list. I did get a few responses, though, that are worth mentioning, and that weren't so warm and fuzzy.

The most important was from my big sis, Laura. She emailed me privately to make a super good point, but a point she thought too personal to share. I disagree with her on that. The point is wicked important, and so I NEED to share it.
It's this:
I hated my body when I was a teenager. I hated my body and I hate who I was. She (my teenaged self) doesn't derseve my hate, though. In fact, she deserves my love and respect. I had a gorgeous body, beautiful breasts, and I was sought after by many a boob-loving boy. I was ashamed of my chest, and ashamed of my weight--but in retrospect I see that I was quite babe-a-licous when I wasn't covering myself up in gigantic white t-shirts and apologizing for my curves.

Here's the thing. Whether I was fat or not, hot or not, I need to not say repeatedly that I was a porkster as a kid. This is less for my benefit, or yours, and more for that of my daughters. Laura's words:

"You were not porky at all. You had a good sized chest,  but you were not fat, porky, or anything like that. I bring this up because I am a little worried that those kinds of comments (which you have made about yourself for many years) might make it hard for Jordan and Lara as they get older. As they grow up, they will be aware that they have two incredibly athletic parents, and a mother who has not an ounce of fat on her body. This body type and shape may not be something they end up with naturally, and they may begin to feel that they are not what they should be- and that they are a disappointment to you. They will not only have the media images bombarding them, but also the images of a very competitive triathlete world. What if they are shorter of stature and have big breasts? What if they look a lot like you did at 18?"

Yep. I fucking cried. It's one thing to hate a past self. It's another to foist that hate on your innocent daughters, who have done nothing but inherit your genes and your home.

So I thought I should share that.

Thanks,Laura.  xo

21 comments:

Kristina said...

Wow. I like your sister as much as I like you. The social heredity of body dissatisfaction is such a painful thing and one of the reasons I'm relieved to have a boy who can't inherit my gender-specific issues. Instead I'm dealing with a kid who insists I have a penis I'm hiding, but that's so much easier.

Running and living said...

Nora Ephron has a book that you might enjoy, "How I hate my neck and other thoughts on being a woman". If I had a daughter, I'd want her to read it at some point. Since I don't, I keep looking for a book that will teach me what to do when my 4 year old takes his pants of in public to show everyone his "big lighthouse".

GetBackJoJo said...

Ana Maria, I love that book!!! It's one of my favorites. I adore Nora Ephron...

trailmomma said...

Love it. Absolutely love it. Your sister is so right-on. I have a little girl (1.5) and both my hubbie and I are very active so we have to remember to not let those negative thoughts (I was a larger child as well) translate to their ears. Thanks for that (and thank your sister).

On a foot note (har har) I have the same problem and wore a gel pad on the ball of my foot. One piece of advice - wear them on BOTH feet even if your other foot is not hurting because I screwed up my hip alignment big time wearing the stupid gel insert on only one foot!

Golden Girl said...

wow! what a great letter from you sister!!! and what a great legacy- teach our children, especially our girls, to love and accept their bodies. the problem seems to be a universal hatred of a woman's body, at any size. just once, i'd love to hear a woman say, "god i love my body" when they look in a mirror.

xoxo

Michelle said...

Ugh on the "diagnosis" but I hope that the treatment suggestions offer some help! And .... um .... isn't your second toe SUPPOSED to be longer than your big toe? Are you saying that my feet have a .... syndrome of some sort??????? Good grief.

I need to catch up on your blog - I totally missed the weight post and it sounds like it was a goodie.

MaineSport said...

Good stuff, Mary. I need to learn more about it for when Leah gets a bit older. Oh boy...

Ange said...

Smart Sister huh. And I didn't say this on my previous comments but I feel qualified at saying that I agree...you were not a porkster. I grew up with you girlfriend and you were a beautiful teenager.Did you look different than you do now? Yes. But both bodies were/are gorgeous.

Velma said...

Your sister is right on, and I would have cried as well. FOES is brillant.

Sorry about the feet. I guess it is just back to business as usual. My husband is always saying he wishes he could go to the MD and get a cure for 'the old'. No luck yet.

Michelle Simmons said...

How nice to have a sister to point out things like that... she is right, I suppose- especially about the part about our daughters self-image... good for us all to think about!

Kate Parker said...

I loved your last post and I loved what your sister wrote maybe even more.

Something for me to think about as well with 2 little girls with big ears.

GoBigGreen said...

In some ways that diagnosis is GOOD! I know it seems easier to have the MD say "It is bc we need to do X and Y and operate and inject and here is the direct alogrithm and plan to get you better." Sadly that is rarely the case and plus you dont want to do any of that invasive stuff if you dont have to.

That being said...I agree that diagnosis is tough to shallow. Duh, you know it hurts. I think it is how you now manage and arrange "TEAM MARY" that will get you thru this. Have you tried Acupuncture? Do you have someone that can do pressure point massage? What shoes are best? running on a softer surface as much as you can..etc. etc.

From a teen that would have given anything to HAVE A FIGURE and CURVES ! I understand the body image issues. for me some of this came from a mom that was always on a diet and a grandma that always thought she was fat. And neither of them were...sigh...finally as an adult i realized this body image and lack of body confidence was something i had grown up with.

Thanks for such thoughtful topics and of course, hope the feet get better!!

Regina said...

Those are some gnarly sounding feet! I hope those arch supports give you much relief!

Brilliance seems to run in your family; your sister brought up an excellent point where your daughters are concerned. I had the same body image you did as a youngster, and yet I always managed to have a boyfriend, like you, without "putting out", as they say. Still, it led to some body image problems and an eating disorder for me. While I have long since grown out of that stage in my life, I still have my momentary hang-ups, but I can't deny how good I feel physically now, and that counts for a lot.

I have a son, but even so, I still try to be aware of a healthy body image when speaking of myself, him or anyone else. I think it is also important I raise my son to become a man that respects women of all sizes and shapes, but more importantly appreciates them for who they are and not what size they wear.

Trisaratops said...

Loved your last post. And I love Laura's comments, too. All good stuff.

Trigirlpink said...

How about an appointment with Tom Michaud? He's very close to FastSplits on Washington Street. He is making me orthotics right now. He is a WIZARD. Highly recommend him.

Bill said...

Hi Mary, the athlete's foot should be easy to cure. Have you tried lamisil cream? In less than a week the itch is gone.

Kurt P. said...

wow, you're hot:-)

Judi said...

Mary, we have the same feet, but I don't have the wart. That is just GROSS.

For the record, I think your kids are going to follow your athletic lifestyle. i highly doubt they have weight issues - healthy parents make for healthy kids. :)

mjcaron said...

Great point made by Laura and expressed so well by you..

Ted said...

Feet are ugly (not just yours) so I could not finish your post.

Twincerely,Olga said...

great post! so true about what your sis said! Stop by