Saturday, January 12, 2008

You Know You're Getting Old When...

your doctor tells you it's time to get your first mammogram. 

 I had one this morning. If you haven't had one (or never will because you ain't a girl) then I will fill you in, because I know you're dying to know what it's like... 

First you go into this dark room. Then you must put your boob on this cold metal table. Then the technician mushes your breast into the correct position and begins to "apply pressure" by lowering the lever atop the boob. Are you wondering whether the technician in the picture is going to lower that flat, cold piece of metal/plastic onto that poor woman's breast? If you guessed yes, you'd be correct. She continues to lower it until your poor boob is flat as a pancake. Then she walks away for "a second" so she can take the picture, all the while reminding you to breathe and relax. She does this four times. If you don't think your breast can be flattened pancake thin, think again. I am here to tell you it can be. ouch. Sigh. 

I have this strange feeling that having my first mammogram is an initiation into the world of old lady medical tests. I have to wonder what other special treats are coming my way in years to come. Let's just hope the images come back negative... 

 In other news, I spent two and half glorious hours on the death trainer today. During the first half of this joyous time I opted to watch a movie on demand with the kids. We chose Underdog. We are the proud owners of two old, smelly, lovable pups, which is perhaps why we all loved the movie so much. I thought parts of it were hysterical. I didn't finish the workout before I had to leave for my mammogram, so I had to finish it when I got home. When I returned, my oldest daughter had two friends over for a playdate, and so I finished my workout while they played Mr. PotatoHead, Candyland and dress-up at my feet. At one point I shook my head, wet with perspiration, and hit one little girl with a drop of my sweat. She screamed "Eww! Your mom just got me with her icky wet head!" It was funny. Then all the kids (including my four and two year old) wanted me to swing my wet ponytail to get them wet too. Kids are weird! (but very cute.) In case you're wondering, I did not grant their wish. I can picture it now: "Guess what, Mom! Jordan's mommy got all sweaty on her bike thing and then soaked us with her ponytail!" Nice. I just got the okay to add a race to my schedule. 

Yahoo! I am going to run the Cape Classic 10 Miler in my hometown in early February. I can't wait!

5 comments:

Flo said...

Ah yes, the mammogram is only the beginning. There are more wonderous things to come but I can't tell you about them. It's an oath we old ladies swear to keep you youngsters in the dark ;)

The Lazy Triathlete said...

We are the same age. You are NOT OLD!!!!

greyhound said...

Thanks for the comment. Given this post, you might get a chuckle from my post, "Save The Tatas" http://trigreyhound.blogspot.com/2007/10/save-tatas.html#links

Yep, we swim outside, even when it is below freezing and the steam rises up from the pool in the dark. It.Is.Awesome! Take a Texas vacation and I'll take you to masters swim. :)

Kim said...

oh my dear lord, there is a picture of a real booby on your blog! PORN!!!! woohooO!

um yeah i would not want my boob squished into one of those things. no thank you!

AtlantaMom said...

I just got my "prescription" - or would it be an order? to get my very first mammogram, which I put off last year when I went to the dr. Not sure if I'm being stupid by refusing it for now, or if I'm just trying to hold on to my youth a bit longer...the youth of firm, pre-nursing boobs....sigh.