Wanted: Synchronicity

So... I had a great run yesterday afternoon. I savored it even more having been denied it by my own forgetfulness the day before. I took AtlantaMom's suggestion and put an old, smelly pair of running shoes in the back of the mini-van for future emergencies. Good advice! Thanks! 

On my mind: As I mentioned in a previous post, I have trouble with conflict. I refer to my anti-conflict self as Pastel Girl. Pastel Girl is really a wimp--especially when she has to deal with conflict at work. Her modus operandi is to pretend conflict and discomfort and tension do not exist, and to move forward as such. In her mind, there are consequences to addressing conflict--consequences which she is usually unwilling to take on, such as disrupting the peace and incurring wrath. 

The thing is, though, when Pastel Girl has finally had enough and totally snaps, she is not at all graceful. She moves out of her easy, flexible and self-deprecating shell and morphs into a strident, cutting bitch. It's ugly. And it happened today. She came out. I'm not going to go into the what and the how and the why. 

 Suffice it to say I was challenged by a particularly righteous and judgmental colleague, a person whom I genuinely like most of the time, but whom acts like she is everyone's superior. It's grating. So, during a long, difficult meeting at which I hadn't say "boo" I suddenly attacked. I became mary don't fuck with me don't insult me or i will coldly and articulately cut you down until you cry. 

After the meeting many people visited me privately and said such things as: "I didn't know you had it in you." "Remind me not to fuck with you." and finally, my favorite: "She had it coming." So now the dynamics on my team are in shambles. I really need to synchronize my two selves. I'm a lamb with a tiger inside. A T-Rex disguised as a mouse. I'm really nice except when I'm a total bitch.

I need to be like--I don't know--maybe a gazelle? A lemur? One animal. Not two. According to the Golden Compass Daemon finder my alter-ego/soul-- my daemon--is a tiger named Inachus. If I'm to be a tiger--these are the tigers I'd like to be--not the above. I need to work on this. I have a distance to travel. Thanks for reading.  

Defeated

This morning's swim was just plain lethargic. I kept thinking to myself, "Okay self, this repeat is going to be a big effort. Work it!" And then I'd continue to slug along. It was a long, slow, tired 2200 yards. But I did it. It was done. I didn't cut it short by a single yard. And after work I had a nice 50 min run planned. ahhh. I love running. I couldn't wait to suck in the cold, crisp air and listen to my new, cheese-a-rama playlist on the Nano. After dismissing my last class I ran to the bathroom to change. I had to rush because I had a doctor's appt. in an hour, and this run needed to be squeezed between work and this appt. (I have no shame. I show up to all sorts of things sweaty and out of breath.) I scrambled into my tights and shirt. I pulled on my jacket and stuffed my work clothes into my bag. And then I realized it: My running shoes. Not here. Not in the bag. I had left my running shoes at home. Argghh! I changed back into my work clothes and trudged solmenly back into my classroom. I kept thinking, Is there any way around this? Could I find a pair of running shoes in the kids' lost and found? How impractical would it be to buy a new pair right now so I could head out before that appointment? Could I run in my big, clunky, black, street shoes? Should I cancel the appointment so I can rush home and get in the run before picking up the kids? Desperate thoughts. I folded my hand. I was defeated. Now I am going to have to find a way to do both a bike workout and this missed run tomorrow. Sigh. Bike will be before work and the run after. I have already packed my bag for the run--and my spiffy shoes are right on top.

Frostbite 15k Race Report

Yep. I'm in sucky running shape. There is no doubt about that.

Still, though, it was a great day and a great race.

I drove to the race site with the fam. They dropped me off and then went to IHOP. It was cold! Too cold to actually stay and watch such a long race. Anwyay. I found my running friends and got caught up. I went to the bathroom about 10 times and then we went out for a short warm up. I only did about a mile. I haven't run more than 10 miles at one time since Thanksgiving. I didn't want to wear myself out in the warm up!

I took the race out fast. Too fast. I actually THOUGHT I was being conservative. Alas. I'm not the running goddess I was a few short months ago. Anyway, I held 7:15's for two miles, but soon slowed to 7:20s and then 7:40s. At about 4.5 miles I really started to feel tired--far more tired than I ever remember feeling in a race of just 9.3 miles. I got passed quite a bit, having taken it out fast and slowed way down, but I was okay with that. It just wasn't the day to fight for the win.

Luckily, I had on my Nano complete with a NEW racing playlist I had created the night before. Here are a few of the fab. songs I listened to as I got slower and slower:

Hit Me With Your Best Shot--Pat Benatar
C'm Feel the Noize--Quiet Riot
Like a Prayer--Madonna
Working for the Weekend--Loverboy
Let's Go Crazy--Prince
Rock the Casbah--The Clash
Don't You Want Me--The Human League
Panama--Van Halen
Any Way You Want It--Journey
Maniac--(you know, from Flashdance)
Ice Ice Baby--Vanilla Ice
Juke Box Hero--Foreigner
Here I Go Again--Whitesnake
Add it Up--Violent Femmes

Quite a mix, huh? You must remember that I was a young, top-40 loving teen in the early 80's. My first concert was Loverboy. Remember the red leather pants? Oh yeah...

So. Back to the race. I struggled on valiently and duked it out at the end with a man in his late 50s. He was awesome. He just keep saying, "You got it! Don't let the old man beat ya!" as we sprinted in. Good guy. My family was there at the end, shivering in their boots. They said, "Go Mom!" and then, "Can we go inside now?"

I finished in 1:10:14, 7:33 pace. Last year I finished the same course in 7:05 pace. Oh boy. Still, I was first in my age group and won an ice scraper for the car. A good, practical prize for a race entitled the Frostbite, don't you think?

I feel bummed about my running, but I'm trying to keep up-beat. I'm simply not going to be as fast as I was if I focus all my energy on three disciplines as opposed to just the run. I have been running only about 15 miles a week in zone 1 for months now. Of course I'm not going to race as I did last year, when I was training for Boston and running 40 plus miles a week and doing plenty of speed and tempo work. Sigh.

When I got home I relaxed and played with the kids a bit. Then I got on the death trainer. Cait had me riding for 90 min. after the race. Yikes. I was SPENT before I even got on the bike. It was kind of horrible. But I survived. My ass is killing me. I need some Advil.

Thanks for reading!

TriGreyhound just wrote an entry about his daughter who believes him to be a model and who in her life wants to do an Ironman. His entry made me think about how the triathlon life seeps into the lives of our family. Here is a sampling of things I noticed in the last week or so:

• My two-year-old headed to the basement because she had to "get on her trainer" (her tricycle).
• My six-year old daughter had a friend over. When the friend saw several packs of Gu on the desk by my bike she asked what they were. Jordan replied casually, "That's Gu. You eat it when you exercise a lot. You know, like when you go on the trainer for a whole bunch of hours." The girl just looked at her like, "What?"
• My kids set up obstacle courses in the playroom and play "triathlon." They use a blue blanket for the water, their plastic cars for the bike, and the run is real running.
• My kids ask what workout I'm doing in the morning right before they go to bed--swimming, trainer or running--so they know whether I'll be home when they wake up.
• When I put on Ironman St. Croix again for the tenth time the other day while I was on the trainer, my son, the four-year old said, "Mommy, you already know who wins this one. It's the guy with the white and blue! He rides the silver bike!"
• When I told the kids I was going to race tomorrow Jordan asked, "Can we come and go out to breakfast?!" That's what my racing means to them...

The language and practice of triathlon is just a part of who this family is. They can't really escape it. I really hope each of my children adopts this life as an adult--or at least the life of the active person. I hope they don't resent their parents for being so involved in something that requires such a huge commitment--a commitment that is ultimately about me and what I have chosen as opposed to them and what they may want or need. I hope they are proud of us and want to emulate us. I hope that someday I am able to complete a triathlon with one or all of my children. -------------- Yesterday as I made dinner the kids watched part of Bambi. (What a sad movie that is!) Anyway, I walked into the family room to get them for dinner and this is what I found: Noah was the only one still awake!

Don't You Hate it When...

You think you are a svelte goddess who has shed all of her holiday weight, and then you get on the scale? I've been trying to think up good reasons why the scale hasn't budged: I am bloated, it's late in the day, I am sore from shoveling and retaining water etc. etc. Sigh. But I know the truth. Damn scale.

I don't even own one, actually. I went to the gym today, and they have one. And you know, gym scales are like the REAL DEAL. They don't lie like the dinky house scales most people have. Sigh again.

I have been working out like a champ this week because I am racing on Sunday and I needed to get in all of my mandatory death trainer time despite it. To clarify, I'm taking the day before the race (Saturday) off, which is when I usually do that long, horrible death trainer ride. All of those evil hours on the trainer were incorporated into my training this work week, courtesy of Cait. I've been looking forward to this race for awhile, though, so it was all worth it.
Except

It's supposed to be 10 degrees on Sunday with a wind chill below zero. WTF! Well, actually, it is January and it is New England and the race is called the Frostbite. What did I expect? I'm trying to believe it will be a super great race anyway. I know I won't run really well--but that doesn't matter much to me because I am not supposed to be racing well in the off season. What makes the race fun is that I will be able to see and catch up with my running buddies with whom I am so out of touch.

In other news, I just found out that an old friend of mine bought Fast Splits, the store who sponsors my tri- team. Amazing. He owns it. Like the owner. Like the whole thing. My hub. doesn't see why this fascinates me so much. But it does. I'd like to be the owner of Fast Splits... someday. someday.
Someday my tri-life will also be my professional life. Maybe. You never know.

Snowday

Ahh. The Snow Day. For those of you out in the real working world, they mean very little, except that they are a P.I.T.A if you have kids and must get coverage while you go to work. For we folk who never left school, however, they are sheer bliss. The only problem with the snow day is that you pay for them at the end of the school year. I am planning to go on this big, crazy 4 day tri-weekend with my team in late June, but I will only be able to attend Saturday and Sunday of it if we have even one more snow day. You absolutely cannot under any circumstances take off the final days of school. It's almost as a big a no-no as taking off the first day. Know what I mean? But I digress. I needed today. I had to get on the Death Trainer for one hour forty minutes, (which is way too long for a weekday workout in my opinion). I did that. (Go Mary!) Unfortunately, I didn't do the million other things on my list such as: correct papers plan lessons for the end of the week calculate grades, which are due in a week and a half do the laundry change the sheets on the beds vacuum up the ten tons of dog hair in this house I did, however: Dance to "I'm A Little Washing Machine" about a billion times with my kids Put together a 300 piece puzzle of a cute puppy with my daughter Read "Clifford's Easter" (very seasonally appropriate-ha) to Noah (son) about a billion times. Watch Herbie Fully Loaded with my kids Surf the web and read tri-blogs for far too long while my kids destroyed the house and stole pudding and chocolate milk from the fridge Drank tons of coffee and got all jittery and hyper Shovel while my kids punched each other and played "King of the Mountain" in the snow It was a good day.

You Know You're Getting Old When...

your doctor tells you it's time to get your first mammogram. 

 I had one this morning. If you haven't had one (or never will because you ain't a girl) then I will fill you in, because I know you're dying to know what it's like... 

First you go into this dark room. Then you must put your boob on this cold metal table. Then the technician mushes your breast into the correct position and begins to "apply pressure" by lowering the lever atop the boob. Are you wondering whether the technician in the picture is going to lower that flat, cold piece of metal/plastic onto that poor woman's breast? If you guessed yes, you'd be correct. She continues to lower it until your poor boob is flat as a pancake. Then she walks away for "a second" so she can take the picture, all the while reminding you to breathe and relax. She does this four times. If you don't think your breast can be flattened pancake thin, think again. I am here to tell you it can be. ouch. Sigh. 

I have this strange feeling that having my first mammogram is an initiation into the world of old lady medical tests. I have to wonder what other special treats are coming my way in years to come. Let's just hope the images come back negative... 

 In other news, I spent two and half glorious hours on the death trainer today. During the first half of this joyous time I opted to watch a movie on demand with the kids. We chose Underdog. We are the proud owners of two old, smelly, lovable pups, which is perhaps why we all loved the movie so much. I thought parts of it were hysterical. I didn't finish the workout before I had to leave for my mammogram, so I had to finish it when I got home. When I returned, my oldest daughter had two friends over for a playdate, and so I finished my workout while they played Mr. PotatoHead, Candyland and dress-up at my feet. At one point I shook my head, wet with perspiration, and hit one little girl with a drop of my sweat. She screamed "Eww! Your mom just got me with her icky wet head!" It was funny. Then all the kids (including my four and two year old) wanted me to swing my wet ponytail to get them wet too. Kids are weird! (but very cute.) In case you're wondering, I did not grant their wish. I can picture it now: "Guess what, Mom! Jordan's mommy got all sweaty on her bike thing and then soaked us with her ponytail!" Nice. I just got the okay to add a race to my schedule. 

Yahoo! I am going to run the Cape Classic 10 Miler in my hometown in early February. I can't wait!

The (Lack of) Running Blues

I'm a little homesick.

I miss running. I miss racing. I'm homesick for my old life in which I raced whenever I damn felt like it. I miss constructing the ultimate race calendar at the start of the year during which I fantasize about all of the races that are before me and hold such fun, excitement and possibility. I miss my road running buddies who run each morning whether it's cold, rainy or snowy, who race all winter in all condtions (the nastier the better) and who culminate their winter running with the Boston Marathon in the spring. I miss the attitude that racing twice in one day is the ultimate in passion and not totally sicko. I miss sharing war stories about running for weeks and weeks straight (or years and years in the case of my running friend Micheal) until legs are dead and leaden. I miss the attitude that more is better and rest is for wimps. I miss taking a run out really hard just because you had a bad day and need to pound the pavement. I miss reading the Hockomock Swamp Rat, knowing I'll see my name in the racing re-caps, and nodding in agreement at the hysterical write-ups of the races.

I went swimming this moring and I loved it. I've been working on Total Immersion technique, and I'm feeling smooth, slippery and like a shark. I love the tired feeling I get after swimming. It's a totally different tired than a running tired, which feels achey rather than relaxed. I'm also loving the improvement I am making on the bike. I don't actually like being on the bike, I'd rather be running, but I like that I have so far to go on the bike, and so with each week I can see a huge improvement. In running it's been awhile since I witnessed that kind of improvement from week to week; I've just been at it too long. And I love the laser like focus I have right now in my work with Cait.

I'm having fun, and I love what I'm doing, but I also miss what I used to have. Ahh, if only we could have everything we wanted....

But then, of course, our hard-fought successes wouldn't be quite so sweet.

I Can't Count!

On Monday morning I was supposed to do an 800 yard time trial in the pool. 

No problem--except that I can't count. I finished what I thought was an 800--and clicked my watch. 12:48. 

Great! Except... hmmm. Is that too great? Did I finish 50 shy of the 800? Last time I did an 800 TT I was over 13 minutes. I continued my workout, but the doubt lingered. 

The rest of the day I tortured myself. Did I really go under 13 min? What if it was more like 13:30? Should I email the time to Cait, or should I do it again, just to be sure? Finally, I decided I couldn't stand the doubt. I would do the TT again this morning. So I did. I counted very carefully. I clicked my watch at the first 200, just to see where I was. 3:09. Good. I kept swimming. I got to 600. Or wait, was that 650? SHIT! I finished at what I thought was most likely the 800. Clicked the watch. 13:18. 

oh. damn. But wait, that can't be right. I took it out relatively slowly in a 3:09. Even if I slowed up significantly, I would've gone under 13, right? So was it more like 12:45 ? Had I done an extra 50? AGH! I think I need a lap counter. Does anyone have one? How do they work? When I was a kid during a race over a 500, each swimmer would have a personal, live counter. The counter would slip the number into the water (see pic. above) to let the swimmer know where he/she was at each lap. That's what I need! How do people keep track? Is this just happening because I'm getting old and batty?

"Fun" 4 Miler Race Report

As expected, the 4 Mile Fun Run was not, in fact, very fun. It was okay though. I love racing, even when I am in totally sucky running shape.

Here are the highlights:

• I finished in 27:56, which isn't great for me, but it could've been way worse.
• I took it out in 6:46 and felt great! (you know where this is going...)
• I was the first woman almost the whole way. (you also know where this is going...)
• It was a gorgeous day--sunny and in the 40's.
• Everyone was very friendly and I had a good time chatting with everyone who would talk to me before and after the race.
• My family came to the race with me, and it was super nice to have them there, especially since this was a dinky little race which didn't mean much in the large scheme of things.
• We went to Wendy's after the race which is such a fun, indulgent treat. We ate french fries and they were really, really salty and delicious.

Here are the lowlights: (Is that a word?)

• After my 6:46 mile my heartrate shot up and I began breathing louder (and much faster) than Darth Vader.
• After my first mile my pace slowed and my legs got heavier and heavier until they felt like two lead stumps swinging from my body.
• I was overdressed in the warm temps and I sweat like a hog.
  
• I lead for women the whole way until some lady swept past me as I violently sucked wind in the last mile. She wasn't breathing hard. She smiled and said, "Great work!" as she sailed past. It was very annoying.
• Some 14 year old kid in high tops and soccer shorts out-kicked me at the end. That was probably the most special part of the race. Damn kids.

So. That was my race.

I just got BLOCK 2 from Caitlin, and I'm sad, because I am still doing aerobic ground work this month --all in zone 1. Can you hear me snoring? When do I get to lift weights and mold myself into something from American Gladiators? (Did you see that they are reviving that show? Lots of crazy people on steroids. Should be fun.) Also, my running mileage will continue to be paltry this month. I had to tape up my hands to prevent them from emailing Cait immediately and demanding more running on the schedule. I'm like a junkie without my daily fix! I can't stand it! But I am going to trust, trust, trust. No emailing. No complaining. No sneaking in extra runs. No. No. No.

I spent the afternoon trying to find lodging for the Mooseman Tri in June. Argh. P.I.T.A. There are plenty of lovely B&B's up there--but what I need is like a Super 8 really close by. Oh well. It's still going to be so fun. I'm going with Ange and we're going to kick butt! (At least that's the plan...) ;)

I'm on the Scene

Tonight I'm talking to my hub. about (what else) triathlon. He recently ordered that Open Water swimming video and book by Terri Laughlin, the Total Immersion man. Lately he's been into thinking about swimming technique, and I think this is what inspired it. Anyway, he mentions that he also checked out getting a few Spinervals dvds, but he wanted to ask his runner friend who bikes whether he'd had experience with them, and whether they were any good. His runner friend forwards his message to one of his tri-friends, and that's when it happened. I am known. This tri guy, who I don't know, KNOWS WHO I AM, and mentions this to my hub. Basically he wanted to know if he (husband) was interested in Spinervals, or whether I (his wife who's in the local tri-scene) wanted to know. I AM IN THE LOCAL TRI-SCENE! I'm like, known! By someone--you know--other than by my parents or the hub. or close friends! I know it's likely b/c I am newly a part of this team that is known locally, but still. I'm semi-known in the running world, but I had yet to break into the ranks of the tri world. Yahoo! I'm giddy. In other news I am feeling fat as a truck. The holiday cookies are now situated on my hips and waist. This is not helped by the fact that this week I'm on a "break" week. You know how every fourth week you're supposed to cool it? I have the urge to run like 10 miles a day, which is, by the way, what I usually do at this time of year b/c I'm 1. Usually training for Boston and 2. freaking out b/c nothing I own fits and I am finding gray hairs and flab under my arms. But no. This week I ran about 10 miles according to the plan. The plan which I must trust. Trust. It's all about trust says my man, Jesse. As icing on the cake I'm to run a 3.9 race on Sunday with the Colonial Road Runners, a local running club. If I can run 3.9 miles hard it will be a miracle in itself. I absolutely can't wait to email my time to my coach. Hmmmmmm. 15 miles a week averaged in December + 7-8 extra pounds = -----. On Sunday I will fill in the blank. By the way--Locked and Loaded (Kim) got me all into the Site Meter thing. I now realize that my silent stalking of several bloggers has been out in broad daylight. OhmiGod. The powers of technology. Other than being cowed by my obsessive lurking, I'm also flabberghasted at the amount of traffic some of the bloggers I read get. It's kind of amazing. I get little traffic. Sniff. Can't some of you out there visit my site for a second like 10 times a day so I can feel special? I'm easy to please. All I want is a little traffic... ;)Look how happy I am to know that some random person knows vaguely who I am? Someone from Nigeria did find my site. Probably it was a mistake, but whatever! NIGERIA!

2008 Resolutions

1. to quit making resolutions You know, they just end up making you feel like shit. Instead I am going to make a vow to indulge. Here are a few things I plan to indulge in frequently in 2008: reading tri-blogs watching tv swimming, biking, running 80's tunes on my Nano watching/observing my kids play playing with my kids bread--toasted with peanut butter chocolate snuggling good books (both trash and quality) Triathlete magazine People and other tabloid trash sleeping keeping in touch with good friends like you, Ange! And on that note, I'm going to bed! More tomorrow.

High School, Revisited

We traveled to Maine the day after Christmas to see my family. We planned to stay until Thursday night, and I had to get in a swim according to my PLAN from Caitlin that I refuse to disobey. (Yep, I'm a little rigid...) Problem. Where? 

My friend Alina swims with a Masters team up there, so I thought perhaps I could join them. They weren't practicing Christmas week, however. Instead, she had gotten special permission to work out with the high school swim team. Did I want to come? Oh boy. 

The coach of both the girls and boys swim teams in Cape Elizabeth is a former classmate of mine--a guy with whom I was actually pretty good friends. I walked into the pool site and immediately saw him. The whole thing was like a weird dream. Here I am walking in with my best friend from high school to the pool, where we spent so much time, and there is Ben, my buddy and fellow swimmer--only he's the coach--and Alina and I aren't in high school, but are 37, and we are supposed to get in the pool and practice just like the old days with all of these kids... Bizarre. The whole thing was bizarre. 

 It was also a bit of a nightmare (even though I had fun). One of the sets we did was 12 x 125 on 2 minutes. The odds were to be done as 100 IM with 25 free at the end, and the evens were straight free with a start off the block. Yikes. Anway, we get started on the set and I quickly fall behind and fail to make the interval. No big deal. I'm a 37 year old Mom practicing with high schoolers., right? What did I expect? I already have no shame... Except that every time we started off the blocks, the whole team had to wait for me to finish so they wouldn't dive on top of me. EMBARRASSING! 

I apologized profusely to Ben after practice about holding up his team, but he just laughed and said he knew the team was psyched about the added break. BTW, my friend Alina is a rock start swimmer (former state champion in a billion events) --and she kicks the asses of the high schoolers, so she was in no way holding back the team as I was... 

In other news, I am finally starting to make some progress on the bike. I am now going faster while still staying in zone 1. Of course, I still haven't cured the boredom problem. It's pretty deadly. I'm supposed to ride 2.5 hours tomorrow morning, and I have my bike set up next to a table complete with drinks, a gel, 1/2 a Clif Bar, 4 books, 3 magazines and the TV clicker. Wish me good luck. 

Unrelated to all of this is super exciting news for me in Mommyland. My youngest has decided that she is now potty-trained. She's determined. No more diapers. This was a huge, special, total GIFT. My other two resisted training and probably would still be shitting in diapers if I hadn't insisted for months and months that they act like big kids. Lara is only 2.5 years old, and she basically wants to be like her big bro and sis. Sweet! She's gone three days with only one mistake. Of course this mistake was that she took a dump in her underpants--not pretty--but still, things are looking promising. NO MORE DIAPERS. Hallelujah!

I am Now...

THE IRON MATRON Tri-ing to do it all was just too whiny. It's a play on Iron Maiden. Not sure those who grew up post 80's will get it.

Part of the Problem...

Is that I am a pastel girl. My favorite color is pink. My blog is a light, airy blue. I like stuffed animals. I like to watch Animal Planet.
Girls who like pastels and watch Animal Planet don't kick ass. They are like that girl in the song Free Falling by Tom Petty: fluffy, walked over, and left.

I am not fluffy, walked over and left, but I feel edge-less.Why isn't my blog edgy and black? Why don't I wear black stilettos? Why won't I get a tattoo, even though I WANT ONE. Why do I apologize so f-ing much? Why can't I deal with conflict AT ALL?

I think the reason (or one of the reasons) I love triathlon so much is because when I race I leave pastel girl behind. I am strong, tough, and I will be damned if I let the dude with the hot bike pass me. I will kick your face off if you touch me in the swim. In short, I am focused, aggressive, and sometimes downright mean when I race, and it makes me feel alive and real and free.

I think I am in need of a merger between my pastel self and my racing self.
I don't want my daughters (or my son, for that matter) to have a pastel woman as mom. How do I let my racing self out of her pastel shell without worrying so much that people won't like me anymore if I do?

I need a long, hard run rocking out to American Idiot and other Green Day rants.

I Suck on the Bike

And it will be a long, long time before I can say otherwise. 

I am runner first, a swimmer second, and a biker--ummm. Not at all. 

Andy bought me Little Red, as I've come to affectionately call her, last Christmas. I gazed upon her a lot last winter, thinking how attractive (and intimidating) she was, but didn't actually get on her until May of last year. Just looking at those clip-on pedals and those skinny, skinny tires made my heart race (in a terrified way, not an excited way). 

The first time I rode her we went to this area where there is a one mile loop closed to traffic. I rode at about 5 mph, my grip on the handlebars so tight my hands hurt for like an hour after I got off. I fell. And then I fell again. I swore. I panicked. My knees got bloody. I screwed up Little Red's handlebars by falling sideways one too many times. I thought I would never be able to go on the main road, let alone race. But here's the thing: I had already signed up for the Timberman 1/2 Iron in August. Nothing like runner's arrogance , huh? (e.g I run marathons! How hard could 56 little miles on the bike be?) So there was no choice. Little Red and I had to become a team, and I had to learn how to ride. 

I had Jesse make me a plan, and I was off--wobbling a bit--but off. Now that I've been riding Little Red for 8 months, I'm no longer terrified of the main road or of racing (although I'm still a little anxious every time I ride outside). Nevertheless, I always opt to run first, swim second, and avoid biking at all costs. Until now. 

I began working with Cait last week. Now I'm running like 15 miles a week (as opposed to 30-35 I usually run) and I'm on the trainer what feels like 3 hours a day. Today I need to get on for two hours and ten minutes. Argh. So so sosossososo long. We just got about a foot of snow and it's still sleeting outside, so obviously riding outside isn't a possibility. Gotta love New England. I'm supposed to have a cadence of 95 rpm all the time when I'm riding. Um. That's like IMPOSSIBLE. Here's why: if I put it into a normal middle gear, I can't spin fast enough. If I put it into an easy gear, I can spin, but I'm not able to pedal smoothly. Does that make sense? Anybody have any suggestions for me? Is it just one of those practice makes perfect things? 

On another note, I was able to get a night away this weekend. I went out with a good friend of mine to a holiday party in town. I don't usually drink, but hey, it's the holiday season, and I was out SANS kids! So I had like three chocolate martinis. Right. I had to get up to run 60 minutes Sat. morning. It was not pretty. It might have been the longest 60 minutes of my life. Remind me not to do that again any time soon. Definitely. Not. Worth. It.

Life Outside of Triathlon???

I never wrote about my brother's wedding, which took place three weeks ago now. It was awesome. 

 I love my new sister-in-law, who is smart, fun, and gorgeous, but who most importantly loves my kids! She is really a favorite aunt already. My son adores her (and is perhaps a little in love with her--I'm not sure. Can one be in love at the age of 4?) My daughters were flower girls in the wedding, and they were so cute. Lara (my two-year-old) didn't make it down the aisle, turning around and screaming "Mommy!" when only half way there, but she was still super cute in her cake-like dress and shimmery gold shoes. My sister's daughter was also a flower girl. She was very poised, and tried her best to get Lara to go down the aisle. 

The best part of the wedding came when my cousin Nate, the best man and a musician, sang with a few other guys (my baby brother, AJ, included) a "special" song for the bride and groom. In the ceremony program it just said "special song"--with no other explanation. Even Jordan (brother) and Odessa (sister-in-law) didn't know what was in store. It was a great moment when they began singing "Open Arms" by Journey. Of course they had to sing it an octave lower than Steve Perry sings it, but still, it was AWESOME. By the end of the song all of us who grew up in the 80s were serenading Jordan and Odessa too. It was fantastic. My favorite picture is 

of Noah and Lara holding hands. When does that ever happen? 

My sister's children are Alanna, the older girl with long blond tresses and Sam, the older boy. The final pic., to the right, was taken after Lara scrambled back down the aisle and into my lap. 

It's been really cold here the last couple of days and it's been hard to motivate to work out outside. Yesterday it was snowing and wet when I got out of work, but like so many of you, I couldn't stomach the treadmill, nor did I have the time to go to the gym before pick-up, so I sucked it up and ran outside. After 200 feet I stepped into a huge, icy, slush puddle in order to avoid getting hit by an obnoxious "you better move" driver. My feet got soaked--which in my opinion is the absolute worst. I kept slogging, though, and the run didn't turn out to be so bad. In fact, about a mile before the end I had a great moment, running fast downhill while Greenday pounded in my ears and the snow fell in large wet flakes on my face. 

 It's kind of awesome when you defy the weather and just run. It makes you feel sorry for all of those people holed up in their snug homes, who just don't get it and totally miss out. 

Despite the above sentiment, today I just couldn't deal with the cold (it was 25 degrees with a wind at 4 p.m.) so I went to the gym. They have this new bike there that has a video screen attached to it. I've watched people ride it the last few weeks and observed that it measures everything--power, heart rate, speed, time, mileage. Also, you can select a particular course and the screen simulates the ride. Today there were only a few people in the gym, so I figured I could try and fiddle around with it without feeling the pressure to just do the workout and get off. It's pretty cool. I've never ridden and had my power measured during the ride. Generally my power measured around 120, although I've no idea what that means. I got as high as 250, and as low as 30. I tried a few of the simulated rides, but they made me feel nauseated. 

Does anyone out there use a power meter when they train? I'd love to hear people's opinions of it, whether it's helpful, or just another way to spend three billion dollars on this sport we love! Next week I start working with my new coach. I'm going to miss these weeks of only working out for 6 or 7 hours and only doing what I want to do!

GNRCYO 5k Race Report

I ran the GNRCYO 5k this morning. 

My running club, GNRC , puts it on. We had a pretty good turn out, I think. I wonder if we hit the 100 mark? In any case we made $1200 for the club, which is awesome and a relief, since we're a new club and until now had no saved money. I won it for women, but my time was far from stellar (race results--21:29) and far from a PR. I never run fast on that course, and today it was windy, really cold (28 degrees at the start with a big wind chill), and I haven't done speed work in over four months. The last mile is a gradual uphill, so I ran two well-paced 6:50 miles, and then something like a 7:15 or so for the third. Anyway, I was about 10 seconds ahead of Maureen and Rose, two of my teammates, so I really just barely edged them out. I won a pair of Reeboks for holding onto first, though, which is very exciting. The last time I won a pair of shoes was in the Muddy Buddy with Andy two years back! 

5Ks really hurt. I was sucking major wind 1/2 mile into the race, and by the end I began to have those evil, defeatist thoughts, like, "Hmmm. I could just stop. That would end the pain. Who cares if you don't win? Who cares if I'm shamed?" Luckily I didn't listen to that evil inner voice and tried to counter it with singing, Just Put One Foot in Front of the Other from the kids' TV Christmas special, Santa Claus is Coming to Town. You know that show? Dorky, but it works for me. 

My two oldest kids have been taking skating lessons, and they both want to start hockey. I'm excited about this. I love watching hockey--but.... I was a swimmer. I want them to be swimmers too! Weep. We're starting swimming lessons again in Jan, so maybe they'll get the swimming bug back. 

I'm loving reading everyone's blog out there! Please know that if I've put you on the "Blogs I Read" list, I really do read your blog. It's amazing to think of you all training out there, all of the country and far from me. I thought of Flo this morning (who was just bemoaning the temps in the 60's they have there in Hawaii in "winter") as I headed out into the bone chilling, freezing wind and cold for my 5K! Wish I was there....:)

Building One's Blog

Takes a lot of time. I read so many blogs now--and I haven't even taken the time to comment on them or to add them to my own site. I need to do this. I want to do this. But... Here's the thing: I feel like I'm busting into people's clique of friends when I post a comment. 

Know what I mean? It's like the whole tri-blogger community is this huge group of friends and how do you break in? I think you break in by just commenting all the time and making yourself a nuisance, but I'm not sure. Also, you must make your blog super cool and FULL. 

By full I mean it should have lots of cool little lists and bars and a chart of one's workouts and those cool little photos boxes on which you click to take a step into someone else's universe. Also, you need a cool header--a cool title (which I don't have--mine's too insipid-too whiny.) I don't even know how to make a cool header--like Sara's from Trisara-Tops (such a great name) or MoMo's (love the Gerber Daises and the black and pink). How do you make a header like that?? Why do I even want to reach out? Why does this whole tri-blogger thing appeal to me so much? 

 I think it's because it is a way to reach out and connect with people around the only thing I have that is all mine and outside of my identity as a teacher/wife/mom. I exist in this super small suburban universe, and it's hard to break out. I am a mom. with brown hair. I drive my kids around in my Toyota mini-van. I teach Island of the Blue Dolphins. I listen to NPR or Books on Tape instead of music in the car. I don't have too many shots of Jager on Friday night when I'm out with my girlfriends partying it up. I don't go out on Friday nights with my girlfriends anymore. I only meet them at Starbucks and chat about being a suburban mom. I worry about hosting book club because of the stains and dog hair on my couch. My husband and I sleep in a king sized bed. I wear clogs to work. I can count on one hand the movies I've seen in the theater since my first child was born 6.5 years ago. I could go on. 

  Instead I'll say that I'm looking forward to my run tomorrow afternoon--during the hour I've carved out between work and home. I will play "Eye of the Tiger" and "Don't Stop Believing" and pound the earth and feel alive.

What Now?

I ran 4 today in 8 min pace which is fast for moi. It's the Nano. How can you jog when "It's Raining Men?" comes on? 

Last week I did the same loop three minutes slower than I did today. CRAZY. I ran 37 miles last week--which is the most I've run in one week in a long, long time. I feel great--ready to attack those awesome long winter races they have up here in the north. Unfortunately, I don't know how many of my favorites races I'll be able to run this year. 

I emailed Cait scads of information about me, my current training and my goals. I mentioned the three billion races I'd like to do in 2008, but I don't have high hopes that I will be able to do even close to what I'd do if I hadn't decided to become serious about this triathlon business. 

I'm so excited to meet with Cait and get started with working with her, but I'm also sort of sad. There is a certain joy in planning your workout week and in deciding exactly what races you want to do and when. It will be hard for me to trust her and defer to her about what I should be doing day in and day out. But I will. I've done it my way, and I need to know if done another way I can improve substantially, stun myself and stun the world. 37 year old woman with three kids wins TIMBERMAN! Where did this girl come from? Can you believe she never considered herself an athlete until just recently? She ROCKS! Her parents and husband and kids must be so, so proud. 

Yes. Well. Anyway. I'm not just sad about giving up racing every weekend. It's that I will have to give up having running be the priority. Bike will take the front seat in my training. Daily running keeps me sane, and I'm scared. On the other hand, I am psyched to begin something totally new. I know she'll start me with weight training, and because I am little and powerless, I will actually be working to get bigger and buff. That is FUN. I've always wanted to have big muscles. I've spent my life either short and soft or short and little, but never short and ROCK SOLID, baby. I don't know what's up with the caps tonight. 

 I've been reading Locked and Loaded because the girl who authors it, Kim, is coached by Tim, who works with Cait and Jesse at QT2 Systems. After reading it I feel like a snorefest of a person. She really is locked and loaded. Alas, my partying days are over. I'm a mom. I'm a teacher. I'm almost 40. My hair is brown. The last time I was seriously loaded was in like 1995. I won't attempt to calculate how old my new coach, or her boyfriend, or Jesse, or this girl Kim were then. I've decided to run every single day until Cait gets back to me with a tentative plan for the season. I'm going to rock out to every cheesy 80s song I can get my hands on. I love ya, Ange! Thanks for reading.

Gotta Love Green Day

I had a rocking 14.4 mile run on Thanksgiving morning. For me, running long on Thanksgiving has become a rite. It allows me to feel super fit and strong on a day that in the past made me feel indulgent and blobby. I take my family to to Maine for Thanksgiving to see my extended family, and so an added bonus of this run is that I get to run there. There's nothing like running on the totally quiet, misty-cold roads of coastal Maine in November. 

When I first became a runner I couldn't go out for a jog without my walkman; I had tapes devoted totally to running and these tapes got me through those years during which running 30 minutes felt endless. 

When I met my now husband he alluded to the fact that "real" runners didn't run with musical "support." (He was a college runner--a steeple chaser--and had strong beliefs about what distinguished the true runner from the jogger...youthful bologna I now realize..) However, at the time I both wanted to impress him and I didn't want to be a faux runner. I became used to running without music, and I never picked it up again. Walkmans became extinct, and I never upgraded to the I-Pod when they came around. I also never got a disc man--that piece of technology that existed between the walkman and the I-Pod--. So when Andy got my a Nano as a surprise gift I was pleasantly surprised, but I didn't think much of it. It had been so long (15 years!) since I had listened to music while I ran. Would I even like it? I figured perhaps I'd use it at the gym when I got annoyed with the sound of people and machines. Oh. My. God. I have been missing out on a whole world of inspiration for all of these years. I took the Nano out for my Thanksgiving run, and listened to it the entire two hours. At one point I was running down a quiet road, the tall pines all around me, and the song Wake me up when September Ends by Green Day came on. The music builds to a peak, and I just got so blissed out during the build. It was orgasmic. No lie. I felt so in touch and alive and strong. Words really diminish the power of the feeling I had. 

It got me thinking that one thing I would love is to exchange playlists with other triathletes. I know very few people read this, but if you do, and you have a great running playlist will you email it to me or put it into a comment? My Nano will not take over my running completely. I love listening to the sound of my breathing in the cold quiet of winter (not so much in the summer!) and to my feet pounding the road. But rediscovering music while running has been unbelievable. 

 Thanksgiving Day Playlist: Abba-Waterloo, SOS, Knowing Me, Knowing You, Take A Chance on Me Tomorrow from Annie Fight for Your Right to Party, The Beastie Boys Beatles: Twist and Shout, I Want to Hold Your Hand, A Hard Day's Night, Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band, Get Back, Drive My Car Billy Joel: Sometimes a Fantasy, Only the Good Die Young Whadaya Want, Casey MacGill Pour Some Sugar on Me-Def Leppard Wake Me Up When September Ends, Green Day Just Like Heaven, the Cure Good Riddance, Green Day American Idiot, Green Day Nice Guys Finish Last, Green Day, Jane Says, Jane's Addiction Journey: Don't Stop Believing, Any Way You Want It, Separate Ways Michael Jackson: Beat It, PYT The Police: Roxanne, So Lonely, Bring on the Night Under Pressure, Queen and David Bowie The Ghost of Tom Joad, Rage Against the Machine Van Halen: The Cradle Will Rock, Panama, Dreams

New Coach!

It looks like I have secured a coach for 2008. I'm really excited. Her name is Caitlin Shea-Kenney. It's taken me a long time to figure the coaching bit out. I knew what I was looking for but it took time to find it. Other coaches I researched or spoke to included DeDe Greisbauer, Kurt Perham, Dave Nerrow, and a few local coaches (who looked truly excellent) through Carmichael Training Systems. I was most star struck by DeDe, who is World Class (recently number 7 at Kona!)

Caitlin is a local professional triathlete who I have admired from a distance for a long time now. She works with Jesse Kropelnicki and Tim Snow at QT2 Training Systems. Jesse made a plan for me last year when I first took up triathlon, and I really like working with him, so I decided to see if they had any openings.

The other exciting thing that came from this is that Jesse asked me to join a team he (and Cait and Tim) are forming that is associated with Fast Splits, a local racing team. I know (or know of) many people on this team, and so I'm eager to get to know them and have the opportunity to train with some of them. Sounds fun.

Jesse also agreed to show me (or have Caitlin show me) how to draft on the swim. I have tried this at several races, but it never seems to work for me. I end up getting too close and wanting to pass the person I am attempting to draft off of, or I can't keep up with the person. How do you find the exact drafting match in the chaos of the open water race? It's a mystery to me.

Although I have made numerous lists of the different races I want to do in 2008, I plan to allow Caitlin to dictate what is good/not good for my training given my focus on Timberman as my "A" race.
The only races I've signed up for so far are races which I know will sell out:
1. Timberman 70.3--my "A" race
2. Mooseman Olympic in early June
3. Cohasset Sprint in late June. The Cohasset sprint is small and beautiful, and may already by sold out. It will be Andy's first triathlon--and I can't wait! He's going to love it and he's going to be so good at it.

My running club (GNRC) (Yes--that's me on the homepage! :) is hosting a race on 12/1, a 5K, so I will be running that. It's gonna hurt. I'm not in shape for a 5K (or any race really) but- oh well. If I race decently I will win our Grand Prix, which is very fun.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Training to Race, Not Racing to Train

This piece of advice keeps coming up on my radar screen. It is a piece of advice with which I have a hard time. I think this is because in order to put it into practice, I must change my mindset from one of a recreational runner/racer, to one who chases "A" races, PRs, age group wins, and slots to Clearwater and Kona.

These two mentalities are extremely different. I actually think the recreational runner/racer mindset is a more healthy and life-embracing mindset. When one adopts the chaser mentality (for lack of a better term) he/she becomes increasingly self-focused. Working out is about a goal, and folding in the social, spontaneous, carefree disposition of the recreational athlete hinders movement toward that goal.

For the last few years I have been racing with reckless abandon. My GNRC group will be go to a race and I can't help but join in. The more people racing the harder it is to say no. I know so many people at races now it's become a huge party--a party which allows me to stay fit, socialize, and get away from the humdrum of doing laundry, making lunches, and correcting papers. Many of my runner friends also love running tough races--the tougher the better. We run a tough race, bond about the conditions, the hills, the distance--we share horror stories over a post-race beer or during training runs for weeks post-race. (Chicago stories, for example, have only recently abated.) These friends race all year, no break, no periodization. It's not about that. It's a life-long hobby--not necessarily a deliberate, calculated movement to achieving self-perfection. PR-ing is fun, but not the point and usually not realistic given aging, non-stop racing, and an insatiable appetite to run, run, run.

So can I change? Do I want to? Sometimes I feel so clear about this. I think, yes, I want to change. I never have tried to maximize my potential. I want to know what I'm capable of, I want to know if there is a ceiling for my achievement. I want to do this before I begin sliding down the age hill. I am 37. I don't have much time. Other times I take a step back and look at the time I spend thinking and planning my workouts, the money I spend on equipment and coaching (not yet--but it's in the "plan"), the time my focus takes away from my family and work, or the serious nature of the pursuit, and I think, What are you doing? Why can't you just play? Why does it have to be about maximizing potential? Who cares if that 5k ruins your "training." It's fun--it's exciting! It's in your hometown! How can you say no?

Can I chase the dream for a few years, and then let go? If I do achieve the dream--Clearwater, Kona--will I eventually be able to let them go and return to the life of the recreational runner?

Today I met my GNRC group for a trail run. It was slow and delightful. I loved breathing in the chill, fall air. It will be hard to give up the spontaneous run in favor of the scheduled quality workout. It will be hard to give up the freedom of doing whatever, whenever, and not regretting it.

Streamlining

I have been having trouble balancing work, family and training. Last night I had a dream that I was forced to take over another teacher's class, and leave my own class of sixth graders behind. I'm trying to understand what the dreams means. 

I have been fantasizing about resigning from my job lately. I love teaching, but I'm tired, I'm overwhelmed, I miss my own kids, and I am not able to do any training right now, let alone training for real. I think I may have had the dream because my subconscious was asking me not abandon the children I have taken under my wing this year at school, either mentally, or actually, or both. I have been teaching these children for two months now, and I think I have grown to care and feel responsible for them, even though I yearn to be free of that care and responsibility because I'm struggling under the weight of it. I can't give up teaching this year, and I won't. But I do need to figure out how to keep my sanity until June. 

The first thing I have done is to give up all "extras". I haven't been volunteering at my children's schools, I just gave up the position of president of my running club, I have given over website duty of my club's site to another GNRC member, and I've stopped caring that my garden needs serious help. I have a cleaning person coming every other week and I've increased the amount of childcare I get by an hour each day so I can squeeze in more work or a run. The whole thing is painful and I don't like it. I love gardening, and volunteering, and being really involved with my running club. But you can't have a career, care for your family, keep a house and train consistently if you don't streamline. This is going to have to be the year I learn to say no.

Revised Schedule

Some people have asked me whether I'm running Boston. 

 I'm pretty sure I am not. The reason is this: If I do run Boston, I will taper for it and then recover from it, which pretty much knocks out the month of April for training. April should be Base time--not time to be tapering and recovering. I'd like to do some longer winter races--like Derry and Stu's--but only as fun training runs with a bunch of other people on tough courses--and not longer than 30K. I loved running Boston last year, but I think it just doesn't fit with my goals for my summer season in 2008. I am committed to choosing my races this winter, spring and summer carefully, to make sure that they each have a purpose that leads me to the larger goal, and also that they are fun and are truly what I want to do. 

I have done many races in the last few years just because friends were running them, or because I just love racing, or just because... I know now that if I really want to excel I must focus and be less random about my training and my racing. 

So here is my new revised schedule (the first of many, I'm sure!) Jan: Frostbite 15k: Why? It's fun, it's early in the season, and it will serve as a test as to where my fitness is. 

Derry 16 Miler: Why? It will force me to get some endurance under my belt, it will serve as a good, hard training run. 

 Feb: Cape Classic 10 Miler: Why? It's in my hometown. I love this race. It will serve as a tempo run at slightly faster than or at 1/2 Iron run pace. 

Andover 10 Miler: Why? I've never done this and I'd like to. 10 Miles is my favorite distance for a race. Again, it will be a tempo run. 

March: Stu's 30K: Why? It's a tough, long training run. It's fun. It falls at a time when I should be building a strong distance base. 

April: Wrentham Duathlon. Why? Good early season test on the bike. 

May: Westwood 2 Mile: Why? A good speed workout. In my hometown. Goes by my house. 

Sudbury Sprint: Why? First tri of the season! Bring it on! 

Gilio 5K: Why? Get my legs moving for the next weekend at Mooseman! 

 June: Mooseman International. Why? Ange and I are both doing it. Should be a great race. Early season test of endurance. 

Old Orchard Beach 5K. This is a maybe. I'd like to use it as a pick me up for Cohasset the following weekend. 

Cohasset Tri at Sandy Beach: Why? Andy's first traithlon! I can't wait for this one. I loved it last year. It's a beautiful venue for a triathlon. 

July:Goose Rocks 5k in Kennebunk Why: on July 4th. I'll be up in Maine. It will be a speed workout. 

Urban Epic Tri. I heard it might be in July this year! I hope! 

Peaks to Portland 2.2 mile ocean swim. Why? Alina and I planned last summer to do this. It's a great endurance swim. I can work on surviving the open water and on sighting! OP 5K I love it. A speed workout. 

August: Maine State Tri. This is a maybe. If I'm tired I won't do it. I should begin the taper for Timberman. 

Timberman! 

September: CELT Challenge. In my hometown. A last hurrah. 

October: Maine Marathon in Portland. My hometown! I've always wanted to run Portland, and next year I will do it! There seem to be too many 5Ks. If I treat them all as speed workouts (or hard tempos) will that work? Also, I don't have any half marathons. Since the 1/2 Iron includes a 1/2 marathon, should I?

Taking Time Off

Is hard to do for we compulsive types. I haven't been doing any really training save a few runs here and there, so I have been spending time instead obsessing about the next year and how I am going to train, execute, and become the next Chrissie Wellington. Don't laugh. You never know. 

I am going to state my goal FOR THE RECORD. 

1. Go five hours for the 1/2 at Timberman. Okay, Okay! I said it! I know it's very ambitious, but I'm dreaming big. It's easy to dream big when you are sitting on your arse contemplating the next season. My two other goals are to: 1. qualify for Clearwater, (which I did this year at Timberman, although I didn't know this at the time. Rolldown continued past five slots for a variety of reasons. But I digress...) 

2. Sign up for Lake Placid 2009. No goal for that yet. I just want to sign up. That in itself is a huge challenge. Hopefully I will get a spot if I set up camp the night before registration in L.P. 

Here is my race calendar so far for 2008: 

January: Frostbite 15K Derry 16 Miler 

Feb. Cape Classic 10 Miler Hyannis Half Marathon 

March: Stu's 30K 

April: Don't know yet. 

May: Sudbury Sprint Tri 

June: Mooseman International Shipbuilder's International 

 July: Peaks to Portland (swim, ocean, 2.2 miles) OP5K 

August: Maine State Triathlon (sprint) Brew Run (5.2 miles) Timberman Half Iron 

September: Pumpkinman Half Iron (MAYBE) CELT Challenge (Sprint) 

October: Portland Marathon 

November: World Championships/Half Iron. 

Nothing is written in stone yet except Timberman. I love planning. All for now.

Chicago Marathon Race Report

If it wasn't bad enough that I didn't feel adequately prepared for Chicago, you can imagine my dismay when I realized that the weather reports were accurate, and that I would in fact be attempting to run the marathon in sweltering, humid, city heat. I'm happy to say, though, after all of my fretting I ran remarkably well. I don't know if it was luck, divine intervention, or a fluke, or what. But unlike so many others, I didn't succumb to the heat, and I was able to post a 3:35:35 finish. This put me at 36th in my age group, 235 for gender and 1369 overall. Those numbers seem unreal to me--and speak to the number of people who didn't start, dropped out, or plain weren't able to survive the heat they way I was magically able to. I'd like to say that the numbers means I really was the 36th best female runner in my age group to run the Chicago Marathon this year. But we know that isn't true. I was the 36th best at surviving the heat, however. Compare those numbers to Boston, at which I ran a 3:31:43--five minutes faster than I did on Sunday--and at which I placed 802 in my division, 956 for gender and 5925 overall. I know that Boston draws a more competitive field than Chicago, but still, the difference is staggering.

Here's the gist of the race:
The heat was so bad they canceled the race at 4 hours and forced everyone still on the course to walk to the end. People at the 1/2 way point at 4 hours were bused back to the start. There was no water at the stops early in the course after the first waves of runners came through. I was lucky enough to never have any problem getting water or Gatorade. I guess this was part of the privilege of starting in Corral B and running relatively well. By the end of the day, 300 people went to the hospital--one died, 5, as of Sunday night, were still in critical condition.

The heat was like the air out of an oven -- emanating off bodies, the pavement, the sides of buildings. It was still and hot--75 at the start, 91 (according to a Bank sign) when I hit mile 16 at about 10:15 a.m. People were collapsing, throwing up. It was scary. There were people who were supposed to lead pacing groups who couldn't keep the pace they were supposed to run. I finished with one of the men who was supposed to pace a 3:20 group. Toward the end, with roughly five miles to go, I looked around me and estimated that about 80% of the people around me were walking--and these were people with bibs from corral A, Elites, people with pace markers stating they had clearly hoped to run 3:00 or 3:10. It was honestly like a death march. Runners were silent--.

Ange ran ahead of me most of the way and I found her with about 5K to go. She looked at me and said, "Mary Bancroft, help me through this!" Her last name is Bancroft. She was definitely out of it! I knew she was really hurting, but she's so tough. She stayed with me and kept running, despite the fact that everyone around us was walking. I wanted to try to talk her through it, but I was focusing so hard myself on continuing, that I just couldn't talk. With a mile to go she slowed at a water stop and waved me on. I picked up my pace a little, so eager to finish the race and be done with it. I finished about a minute ahead of her, and then waited for her to cross the line. When she finished she was weaving a little and so hot to the touch--I was sure she had the beginnings of heat stroke. We walked to the medical tent, and though she entered, they wouldn't even treat her! Apparently she wasn't bad enough and the tent was full. They gave her ice and had her sit down. They wouldn't allow me in to be with her, so I went to get her husband to tell her where she was.

Andy had been hoping to run between 2:50 and 2:55, but like so many others, he melted a little more than half way through the race. By mile 15 he succumbed to walking. He walked/ran to the end, finished the race, and crawled under a Gatorade table, which in his delirium was the only place he could find that was shaded. They basically hauled him to the medical tent where they proceeded to drain his toes of blood blisters and water. Apparently he, too, was not bad enough to receive care for heat exhaustion. Talk about a crisis situation!

I broke a sweat within the first quarter mile of starting. We entered a tunnel almost immediately, which was so hot and still and smelly, I wasn't sure I could stand it and it was only 5 minutes into the race! Anyway, I started out, as planned, at 8 min pace and held on until about mile 8 or so. At that point I didn't really feel the heat so much as I just generally felt tired. I knew this meant it wasn't going to be a great race for me. Usually in a marathon you don't feel tired until at least the halfway point. Mile 8 should still feel like you're floating on air! I slowed down to 8:15's and walked the water stops--taking a Gatorade and 2 waters at each one and then dumping one water over my head. People like me are the reason they ran out of water at the stops. I feel bad about that. When I passed Melissa C at about mile 15 or so I knew something was really wrong. Melissa looked like she was just exhausted--and that's not the Melissa I know--the one who definitely is capable of a 3:15. I began to notice that many people around me were dropping out, walking, cramping... By mile 20 I still felt surprisingly okay. I began to feel like I would finish, and I probably wouldn't totally fall apart. I did slow down, but I didn't have to walk, and I didn't think I showed real signs of major dehydration. I, did, however, began to feel like I was watching a movie in which I wasn't really a part. Sure, I was running, but I felt okay, and everyone around me was completely falling apart. It was a little horrifying. At mile 23 I found Ange, and the rest is history.

The whole thing was bizarre--almost surreal in retrospect. I still don't know why I was okay when others weren't. All I can think of is that I took it out conservatively and I am smaller than most everyone so I don't require as much fluid to stay alive.

I wish that my successful race despite the heat means I can go a lot faster--but I'm actually not sure that's that what it means. I DO think I can go under 3:30, but I think I need a lot more training before I can go much faster than that.

And that's the story!

Lobsterman Race Report

It was a cold and windy and RAINY day. 

But I had a great race. 

Here are the details: We arrived at the site in Freeport at 9 am, nice and early for an 11 am start. The rain, which had been pounding throughout the night, was now just a drizzle. I was energized and ready to go. Alina and Andy were in a relay together, so we all rode in together and commiserated about the rain. 

Once we arrived I got my numbers, racked my bike and I found Ange and Petra. We chit-chatted about what to wear on the bike--arm warmers or no? Socks of no? How much fluid to take on the bike on such a cool day? We donned our wetsuits and I choked down a Gu, and then headed down to the water, which in the gray drizzle was looking awfully chilly. On the upside it was very fun to have so many people I knew there: my two greatest friends from high school, Ange and Alina, my friend Petra, Ange's husband Mark, Ange's brother Jeff, and an old high school friend, Brent. 

Alina was the first to leave us, as she was in the first wave as a part of a relay. She got right out front, and watching her got me nervous and excited. Next were the men, handsome in their wetsuits and green caps. 

 Finally it was our turn. We headed into the water--and boy--it was COLD. I have been spoiled--swimming in the ocean only on days that were warm and toasty. It was spitting rain and cold out, and my body just didn't want to be in the icy ocean. We had to tread water for several minutes before they let us go with their Go Go Go! 

I chose to start far to the right, thinking I might escape some of the madness and get myself out front. I did escape the madness, but the current pulled me further to the right, and before I knew it I was swimming alone in a cove, far away from the buoys and all of my wave! I headed back on course, frustrated that I had lost precious time swimming out of the way. It seemed to take forever to get to the first buoy, but once I rounded it things went a little more smoothly. I tried never to get too far away from the thrashing of everyone, not wanting to get off course again and waste more time. I began to run into the men who had started before us. I did see several of my wave around me too, though, so I knew I wasn't the first or second in my wave. The current pulled me all over the place, and I constantly had to re-orient myself. Finally the shore came into site, and I began to pick up my pace in anticipation of the end. 

When I began to stumble out of the ocean, I realized that while I had been swimming the rain had picked up and it was now pouring. I felt very dizzy as I pulled off my cap and goggles, and I nearly fell coming out of the water. I stopped, collected myself, and then began a slow job to transition. When I got there I tried to peel off the wetsuit, but my hands were shaky and numb, and I couldn't get my legs out of the wetsuit and over my ankles. If anyone has any tips as to how to to do this I'd be grateful to know them! I finally flopped to the ground and yanked it off each foot. Final swim time: 23:45. 

I felt unsteady getting on the bike. It was pelting rain and so cold, and my hands could barely shift the gears. People were passing me left and right. I finally settled into a rhythm and talked myself out of complaining inwardly about the rain and cold. I picked up the pace and passed a few people. Mostly, however, I was passed. I think this is because the 40-44 year old men started in the wave behind us. I hold my own in the water, but the fit men caught me quickly once on the bike. I did notice that only the men passed me. I was only passed by one woman, Petra, the whole ride. I hoped this meant that I was going to place in my age group, but I couldn't be sure. I knew Ange was ahead of me, and that Petra had passed me at about mile 20 or so. The only other women ahead of me were those women who had gotten out of the water ahead of me, and I knew there couldn't be too, too many of those. Also, our wave had the 35-39 women and the 40-44 women, so even if some women had gotten out of the water ahead of me, they might not have been in my age group. It turned out that my reasoning had been right. 

The ride became slightly more pleasant when the rain slowed to a drizzle again. Towards the end I began to see the fastest runners on the course. Andy was perhaps the fifth or sixth person I saw running. This meant that his relay was doing very well, and might win. He yelled to me that Petra was only 30 seconds ahead of me, which I knew because she had just passed me a while back. When I dismounted my bike I felt relief. The rain hadn't stopped me, and the run was sure to warm me up. Final time: 1:20:04. 

My hands were completely numb in transition. I could barely slip on my shoes, and I had a lot of trouble clipping my number belt. Also, my feet were totally and completely numb. I began to run, but it felt like I was running on stumps rather than feet. It was a very bizarre feeling. The first mile was uphill, which was actually good because I finally broke a sweat and started to thaw a bit. I caught Petra in the first mile, but she was having none of that! After a quick hello and a kindly, "You look great, Mary!" she took off at lightning speed, never to be caught again. Hey, at least maybe I inspired her to pick up the pace. :) 

Anyway, at about the turn around (it was a lollipop loop) I finally began to get some sensation back in my feet. It was gradual, with feeling returning to my heels first. By the time I was at mile 5 I no longer felt like I had stumps for feet. The last mile was downhill, of course, and I charged down, full of vim because I had my feet back and knew it was almost over. I felt great. Until I realized they had pulled one of those--"There's the finish line!--oops. Not yet." on me. You see the finish banner, but you pass it and then run another 1/2 mile loop and enter from the other direction. Grrr. I schelpped on, angry that I had clearly started my kick a tad too early. And then, it was done. Final run time: 44:45. 

I had thought I would do poorly, but other than the bike, I really did okay--especially on the run. Final time: 1:32 or so, I think. I was third in my age group. Ange was first, Petra second. Pretty fun to have the three friends take the first three spots in 35-39. 

Next race--the run leg of the CELT challenge in Cape Elizabeth. 

Oh--I also wanted to mention that Alina, Lorenzo (her brother) and Andy were second overall for the relay, and the first mixed gender team. Alina was the second woman to finish the swim overall, and Andy was one of the top runners, finishing in 36. yeah! 

After CELT I have the big monster--the Chicago Marathon. Yikes!

Tri-ing but Falling Apart

This week I had my first week back to school. I am a wreck. 

Tuesday we began school, and I was okay. I worked hard at school, had a nice hard run after work by bringing the kids to the gym, went home, prepared for the next day and went to bed. 

Wednesday was harder. I gave myself some room and didn't do a morning run. Bad idea. Running after work is impossible. I have no time and no energy--no wiggle room at all. After work I made lunches, packed bags, tried to clean, tried to spend quality time with all three kids at the same time (impossible), planned my lessons, corrected papers, did laundry, ate something and tried to be a kind wife by conversing pleasantly with my husband. Then I fell into bed. 

On Thursday I went swimming before work, nearly fell asleep while teaching, had an after school meeting that ran over the time I had allotted it, squeezed in a 20 minute run, arrived sweating and gross to retrieve the kids, and then tried to prepare for the next day, spend time with the kids, and correct papers all at the same time. Andy got home and asked if I'd picked up health papers from the pediatrician I said I would pick up. I hadn't. He got mad. I cried. 

Also, it was Jordan's first day of school on Thursday and because it was my third day of school, I couldn't see her off. In fact, I can never see her off. That's the rub with working. Anyway, she went to school with her dress on backwards and no socks. She lost the pictures of her we had placed in her folder (as was asked in the teacher's opening letter to Jordan), but she (Jordan) lost them somehow between the hallway and the classroom and "was the only kids who couldn't share." When she told me this I locked myself in my room and cried. I simply and completely lost it. And that was only Thursday. Bad Mommy feelings choked me as I wept. Is it selfish to work? Would things have been different if I had been home in the morning instead of drinking coffee in my classroom frantically preparing for the day at 7 am? 

Today I skipped the morning run, scrambled to be a good mom and pick up both Noah and Jordan after school like the other moms, then made brownies with the kids and went outside with them so they could ride bikes, came in, cleaned the bathroom that Noah had peed all over, changed the sheets that Noah peed in last night, unpacked the dirty lunch boxes, made dinner, gave baths.... on and on and on. No running. I've run 9 miles this week. Oh. My. God. I'm in trouble. I may not survive this year. Will I adjust? Is it like training and I am just out of shape? Or is doing it all a TOTAL AND COMPLETE MYTH. The latter, I think.

Teacher Hat

Today I put on my teacher hat for the first time in nearly four years. I have been the librarian for the last three years, though prior to that I had taught for 11 years already. So entering the classroom this morning was not foreign, but it has been awhile. I had fun. I like my students. It was a good day. 

HOWEVER, I was so tired at the end of the day that I didn't run, and I had a 10 miler planned! Not doing it pretty much decimates my running mileage for the week, which is NOT good given that Chicago is screamingly close, and this week should be a peak mileage week. 

When I picked up my kids after work, though, they were so grumpy and tired and in need of Mommy, bath, dinner and stories, that I just couldn't drag them to the gym. It would have been heartless. I'm not going to be able to schedule major workouts after school. It will be interesting to see what happens to my fitness this year. Likely I will turn into a marshmallow. What can you do? I love triathlon, but I have kids, a husband, a career which I love and a home to keep. This may not be my best running/triathlon year. In a few years I hope to go part time and train for a full Ironman. All in good time. Of course, we never know what is coming down the pike--what is in store for us. Hopefully I will have my health and so will my family--so I can pursue that Ironman dream. 

Tomorrow I'll get up for a swim before school and I'll squeeze in a 45 min run right after school, I HOPE.

Super Me!

Yesterday I ran for three hours and 1 minute, each 1/2 hour faster than the last. 

It wasn't that bad! I was stunned. I thought it would hurt a lot more and would be slower. 

Here are my 1/2 hour paces: 9:02, 8:59, 8:41, 8:26, 8:10, 8:04. 

My first hour was super slow, but I believe it allowed me to do the last 1/2 hour in marathon pace, and the last full hour close to marathon pace. I haven't run that long since Boston, which is why I was surprised that it was so doable. 

I guess the 1/2 Ironman training did leave me with a good fitness base from which to boost up my running mileage. I'm still not thinking that Chicago will be a fast marathon for me. That's okay. I don't think it will be a disaster, and you never know, I could surprise myself. I am going to take it out in 8 minute pace, and see how I feel at the 10K mark. 

I followed up my run with a short ride today of about 1 hour and 20 minutes. I don't know if I am just out of biking shape now or if it was yesterday's run, but I was really slow! I only averaged 16 mph and I was trying! 

A month ago I could do 17 mph with less effort than I put out today. That's what I get for ramping up my running mileage and leaving my swimming and biking in the dust. I am doing another long run next weekend (I'm going to try for 20-21 again) and the weekend after that I am scheduled do to the Lobsterman Triathlon in Maine. 

I'm not in good swimming and biking shape, but I'm still really looking forward to it. I can't wait to get in the water! I miss open water ocean swimming. I love Maine. I'm definitely planning on swimming Peaks to Portland next year. 

All three kids are in this tiny room as I attempt to write. Ah! They are wrestling, and messing with Andy's guitar and otherwise driving me bonkers! They are now fighting over a lampshade. A lampshade?? Where did that come from? I'd best attend to the lovable but high maintenance rugrats.  

School starts tomorrow! Good-bye free time and time with the kiddos! 

Here are a few pictures of life at home: Lara and Jordan playing dress up and Lara frosting a cake with purple icing.